So I'm Probably Trans

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:03 pm

Hey y'all, as if 2020 wasn't enough of a whirlwind, I'm realizing that I'm probably trans.

I've never been comfortable in male spaces or identifying as a male. Whenever I would play with boys, they'd notice I was weird and end up ostracizing me and ridiculing me. Girls? Never a problem. My mom would send me with older guys hoping that they'd teach me how to be a guy. In fourth grade, I wanted to show up to my new school as a girl and see if people liked me better. As time went on, I seemed to gravitate towards girls in general. Conversations with boys were stilted and confused, but talking with girls was fun.

I got married, and my wife would get mad that I wasn't being "manly" enough. She wanted me to fix things and be a typical guy, and I never could pull it off. One time, she jokingly said that she was going to put makeup on me to see how I looked. I laughed it off but would ask her periodically to do it. I've always hated looking at my body. Even when I worked out like crazy and got myself in the best shape of my life, it didn't look right, but I liked that I had pecs.

When I started learning about transgenderism, I started feeling more and more gravity toward it. It just makes sense to me. So, a few weeks ago I shaved off my body hair and had a euphoric breakdown looking at myself. This is how my body was always supposed to look, I guess. So now I'm working through all of this and trying to keep it down as much as I can, but good goddamn do I feel better about myself now.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:08 pm

Talk to the professionals, chart your path, and live your best life.

Roman · Post by **Roman** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:10 pm

Good for you! Thank you for posting this.
I won't pretend to say 'I know how you feel' and all those lame things people say.

I will say again - good for you. Based on what you wrote it must have been difficult at times and I'm glad that you have found some sense of peace and happiness now! Good for you.
Hope all moves smoothly from now on.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:13 pm

You are what you are. Nothing bad in that.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:21 pm

Kudos to you for doing the difficult introspective work needed to understand your feelings. There's so many who have never crossed that initial hurdle, and I can only imagine how challenging it would be.

May your path forward bring you great joy and peace.

wonderpug · Post by **wonderpug** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:41 pm

Congrats on the new discovery! Glad to hear your world is making more sense now.

Eel Snave wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:03 pm So, a few weeks ago I shaved off my body hair and had a euphoric breakdown looking at myself. This is how my body was always supposed to look, I guess.

You may be surprised to hear that we actually were able to capture this exact moment through your hacked webcam:

Daehawk · Post by **Daehawk** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:45 pm

No idea how to comment on this since Ive never experienced it. But I will say welcome to you. You be you. You will be more comfortable in time being yourself.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:46 pm

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:08 pm Talk to the professionals, chart your path, and live your best life.

+1

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:52 pm

Good for you! Be well and be you.

And more than anything, thank you for making wonderpug's post in this thread possible.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:53 pm

Eel Snave wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:03 pm ...but good goddamn do I feel better about myself now.

Congrats and support to you!

Lots of power-ups unlocked at this level.

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:04 pm

Technically, not yet

.

Congrats - whatever helps you be happy - it's tough in this world. We still love you.

If you ever get a chance, read John Varley's Steel Beach.

The way I see it, in a relatively short time (say a couple of decades), gender surgery will be as common as plastic surgery today (and getting pregnant/carrying a pregnancy to term will be possible for anyone). I can even see people changing gender just for halloween, etc.

Archinerd · Post by **Archinerd** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:09 pm

I have to admit, I find this a little surprising. The combination of your avatar and name made me always think of you as some sort of cartoon snake.
Seriously though, I wish you all the best and hope you find love and support from your RL friends and family.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:10 pm

Pyperkub wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:04 pm Technically, not yet .

i believe there's a growing thought that gender reassignment hormone therapy or surgery is not a pre-req for being transgender. i've now known several individuals who are living their life as another gender, but have no desire to go through with any of the physical 'change' operations.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:11 pm

hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:10 pm
Pyperkub wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:04 pm Technically, not yet .
i believe there's a growing thought that gender reassignment hormone therapy or surgery is not a pre-req for being transgender. i've now known several individuals who are living their life as another gender, but have no desire to go through with any of the physical 'change' operations.

So you're saying that Slaying the Spire is no longer necessary?

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:20 pm

Be whoever it is that makes you happy, really. Life's too short to spend time trying to be someone you're not.

My wife sounds a little like your wife, too. Her first marriage was to a person that eventually came out as trans after their divorce. My wife has said many times that everyone except her wasn't all that surprised when this person made the announcement. She did suffer a mental break when she came home to find her spouse wearing her underwear one day and couldn't cope with it. She didn't sign up to be married to a woman and couldn't continue the relationship.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:28 pm

Awesome, and congratulations on finding out who you really are! It's such a great feeling. And thank you for being willing to share that with us.

FWIW, I'm not trans, but I'm somewhere in the 'non-binary' category myself. I've got the huge advantage that my preferred hardware and sexual preference both match what society traditionally expects, so I haven't exactly had the same struggle, but the rest of your experiences as described fit me very, very well. So while someone else may be a better fit for some elements of what you're going through, if you need to talk or vent, feel free to PM me.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:30 pm

Good luck. A friend is much happier presenting as a man, and he’s in a much better head space as a result.

Do what makes you happy. Only you and your sexual partners need concern themselves about the plumbing. It’s not an easy road but I wish you the best journey.

Eel Snave · Post by **Eel Snave** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:40 pm

Thanks everyone for listening to me!

LawBeefaroni wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 2:53 pm Lots of power-ups unlocked at this level.

Achievement Unlocked: Dude Acts Like A Lady

hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:10 pm i've now known several individuals who are living their life as another gender, but have no desire to go through with any of the physical 'change' operations.

Yeah, I'm torn on this part of it. I have lots of time to think about it.

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:11 pm So you're saying that Slaying the Spire is no longer necessary?

ASCENSION LEVEL 69

Blackhawk wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:28 pm Awesome, and congratulations on finding out who you really are! It's such a great feeling. And thank you for being willing to share that with us.

FWIW, I'm not trans, but I'm somewhere in the 'non-binary' category myself. I've got the huge advantage that my preferred hardware and sexual preference both match what society traditionally expects, so I haven't exactly had the same struggle, but the rest of your experiences as described fit me very, very well. So while someone else may be a better fit for some elements of what you're going through, if you need to talk or vent, feel free to PM me.

Thank you! I will at some point.

MHS · Post by **MHS** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:42 pm

Hopefully you know me well enough to know that if I screw up with any of my thoughts, it's from a place of ignorance and not malice.

Congratulations and hugs! Wishing you the best of everything as you make discoveries and explore your path forward. OO is a great and supportive community, thank you for sharing and making us part of your journey.

Only you can know what you're feeling inside. Be careful not to confuse traditionally masculine with something else. Masculinity and femininity are mostly societal constructs, so being drawn to traditionally feminine things or not being drawn to masculine things doesn't necessarily mean trans. There's non-binary and other categories. It sounds like you're starting to explore and recognize your body dysmorphia and that's an important thing because there are a lot of shades of grey out there. I'm someone who has always felt like "one of the guys" in that my interests and disposition are very traditionally masculine, but I don't have any feelings that I'm supposed to be a guy. Only you (and possibly a professional counselor) can know what happens long-term. I know it's all complex, especially with a wife and kids. I wish you every bit of the strength and smooth sailing all of you can have.

Jaymon · Post by **Jaymon** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:52 pm

Positive self image is the foundation of happiness, its good that you have identified something about yourself.

Lot of support and acceptance and well wishes from folks here. Me included. I hope that you find the same amount of support from your immediate family and friends, especially your spouse. While I personally have not, I have siblings and best friends who have gone through this type of experience.

Hugs and best wishes for your new found happiness.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 4:05 pm

Isgrimnur wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:11 pm
hitbyambulance wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:10 pm
Pyperkub wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:04 pm Technically, not yet .
i believe there's a growing thought that gender reassignment hormone therapy or surgery is not a pre-req for being transgender. i've now known several individuals who are living their life as another gender, but have no desire to go through with any of the physical 'change' operations.
So you're saying that Slaying the Spire is no longer necessary?

personally, when i learned of 'non-binary gender' some years ago, it immediately made sense to me. just knowing there are others out there experiencing the world in the same way is a huge burden lifted. EDIT: what Blackhawk said

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 4:19 pm

I bet it was a big weight off you when you finally figured it out. I can only imagine what it would be like to constantly feel that something just isn't right.

Good luck on your journey.

Scuzz · Post by **Scuzz** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 4:27 pm

I wouldn't say that you are best of doing what makes you happy, because that covers a lot of ground, but in this case I think it applies. Going thru life unhappy with something as basic as gender has to be hell, so good luck in your new future. I don't know enough about the trans world to really comment on it, but I have sat in a bar (it was a wedding reception) with a trans male and managed to accept them as they were. They wanted to be known as "They", which I have never been able to remember. Maybe given more time, who knows.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:07 pm

I can kind of relate; I enjoy a lot of stereotypically female pursuits (like gardening and cooking), prefer the company of women, loathe sports, drive a Miata, and generally don't conform to male expectations. Yet I'm comfortable in my body and attracted to women. I might not be a typical man, but Wife assures me I'm "all man," whatever that means.

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:34 pm

Congratulations on your self-understanding and on being brave in talking about it!

I really don't know anything about how people work out a trans identity in adulthood, but I feel sure that there are support groups and resources out there.

I have known people who've experienced their trans awareness as a change in self-presentation and a couple of others who've pursued a full physical alteration. I've learned from them that even my identity as a cis male is something that I have to think about rather than just take for granted.

McNutt · Post by **McNutt** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:47 pm

Kraken wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:07 pm I enjoy a lot of stereotypically female pursuits (like gardening and cooking)

Interesting as I never thought of either of those as female pursuits.

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:04 pm

I prefer female pursuits like gaming and...gaming.

Z-Corn · Post by **Z-Corn** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:14 pm

My nephew just figured out he wants to be referred to as "she" and "her" and changed her name.

The name she chose is one that is shared by one of the least tolerable people I have ever met. So that's why I grit my teeth when I call you by your new name, not because I don't accept and love you. Ugh.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:17 pm

I think most folks are still waiting on me to come out as human.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 7:03 pm

Wow, I am so excited for you and offer my full support! Gender is a tricky/fluid social construction thing, but you deserve to live as the person you are and enjoy your best life. Dysphoria is definitely serious and treatable, don't neglect those feelings. I know coming out here was not easy, huge kudos!

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 7:39 pm

hepcat wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:17 pm I think most folks are still waiting on me to come out as human.

The singularity!

Jeff V · Post by **Jeff V** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 7:53 pm

I'll pile on, you'll be happiest being what you are, and not what the world expects you to be. Congrats for coming to terms with it; enjoy the ride as you settle into yourself!

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:01 pm

When I first met my oldest stepson he was living with a guy. Did that for a few years until he married a woman.That was about 20 years ago. He's now on his second wife and seems as happy as if he had good sense. I think he probably wouldn't mind a male partner for awhile but his wife is a hard worker who takes good care of him.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:19 pm

McNutt wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:47 pm
Kraken wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:07 pm I enjoy a lot of stereotypically female pursuits (like gardening and cooking)
Interesting as I never thought of either of those as female pursuits.

They certainly were when I was growing up. Men could be farmers or chefs. Women were gardeners and cooks.

Once when Wife was going to work every day and making the good salary while I earned pocket change pottering around the house, I listed my profession as "housewife."

Lassr · Post by **Lassr** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:36 pm

You are who you are,
and you have a lot of support here on your new journey.

gameoverman · Post by **gameoverman** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:41 pm

I'm happy for people who find a way to be themselves, and I'm glad that today's world isn't as bad as it used to be(not that it's great) about forcing people to deny themselves a chance to live their lives happily.

Hipolito · Post by **Hipolito** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 10:10 pm

I support and salute you, Eel!

$iljanus · Post by **$iljanus** » Mon Aug 17, 2020 10:26 pm

I'm so happy that we have a community that makes you feel secure and comfortable enough to share such a personal statement with us.

Cheering you on as you embark on a new chapter in your life!

Alefroth · Post by **Alefroth** » Tue Aug 18, 2020 2:21 am

I'm glad you've been able to come to that realization and are comfortable letting us all know. All the best in navigating a world that still doesn't really understand.

Alefroth · Post by **Alefroth** » Tue Aug 18, 2020 2:22 am

Kraken wrote: ↑Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:07 pm I can kind of relate; I enjoy a lot of stereotypically female pursuits (like gardening and cooking), prefer the company of women, loathe sports, drive a Miata, and generally don't conform to male expectations.

I think there are a lot more of us than people realize.