Hermit or Social Butterfly?

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Lee
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Hermit or Social Butterfly?

Post by Lee »

I could spend weeks locked in my apartment with no outside contact (besides the net) and be perfectly happy.

How about you? Do you need to be around people?
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Post by slambie »

I'm a total hermit. I don't like crowds and 90% of the people in the world tend to either bore me or irritate me.
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Sherpa
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Post by Sherpa »

Was the prediction for me in my HS yearbook...

Now, I'm married and have two kids, so I can be sociable when I *have* (or want) to -- but I generally prefer hermitage, even on the relatively anonymous internet.
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Rip
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Re: Hermit or Social Butterfly?

Post by Rip »

Lee wrote:I could spend weeks locked in my apartment with no outside contact (besides the net) and be perfectly happy.

How about you? Do you need to be around people?
Yea, I hate dealign with the world everyday. Although I seem to do fine with it, I have to interact with my customers a lot and I haven't lost any, while constantly picking them up here and there. I never really get into it however. I'd rather be programming a router, playing a game, or typing with you guys of course.
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jpinard
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Post by jpinard »

Hermit. But when I get out and feel OK I'm pretty social.
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ChrisGrenard
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Post by ChrisGrenard »

Hermit. But I do really enjoy hanging out with people I like. Problem is... I only know probably 10 people that I like ;)
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knob
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Post by knob »

I love being social, but I'm so shy I usually live the life of a hermit.
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freelunch
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Post by freelunch »

I've been housebound with kids for most of the past nine years and my (previously inept) social skills have suffered somewhat.

what I really look forward to is when my wife takes the kids somewhere and I have the place to myself. I reckon right now I could handle about a month with no face-to-face human contact and be much refreshed by it.
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Giles Habibula
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Post by Giles Habibula »

Great topic!
There are a few people whose company I really enjoy. The problem is that those folks all live by VERY structured schedules. Thus, when they stop by to visit, it's usually 'on the way' to another appointment or get-together that begins at a certain time.

Nobody likes to just 'hang out' anymore.

I'd love to be able to drop by someone's house or have them drop by here and talk for hours on end or play a board game or something. But I guess that's not productive enough for them. Everything they do has to 'count' or be important or it's not worth doing.

So I'm a hermit. My structured time is spent at work and work only. I see to it that all my time away from work is unplanned and unstructured. And being that I won't make plans to be with anyone, they usually interperet that as meaning I don't want to do anything. Not true! But I live for spontanaity (sp?). I'm always home, I tell them. And I am! Just stop on by and we'll shoot the breeze.

I don't lock my door until just before I go to bed, just in case anyone decides to drop by. But it happens maybe twice a year. And usually they can spend about 20 minutes because they're on their way to their 'structured' entertainment.
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Post by Crowley »

Im a pretty sociable person once I get warmed up.
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Raug
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Post by Raug »

Total hermit. Not a crotchety old man type hermit. I can switch on the suavity when it suits me and I can have plenty of fun going out with friends, but hermitry (is that a word?) is my natural state.
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Post by Discalced »

I'm a swinger, which makes me a hermit trapped inside a sociable penis.
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Post by dbt1949 »

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Zekester
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Post by Zekester »

Trying to be more social, now that i'm single.

I'm a "one-owner-dog" though, so if I find the right gal, her and me will be hermits together :D

P.S.
Dear slambie:
In one of my old GG threads, you referred to me having a "shell of a life" because I was living with a girl out of convenience only.

Now that i'm single, I could argue that THIS is a shell of a life :!: :wink:
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YellowKing
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Post by YellowKing »

Basically a hermit. I tend to have a very small number of really close friends rather than a large number of acquaintances. My wife and I like having people over for dinner, etc. but we don't really travel in social circles or go out to mingle with strangers.
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Grievous Angel
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Post by Grievous Angel »

Add me to the hermit list. I was more sociable in college, but everyone in my group of close friends moved apart after graduation, so we don't get to see each other much anymore. I don't really know anyone in the area, and it's hard making friends when you're an adult, so most of the time is spent in the house.

Of course, if we were all sociable, no one would ever be on these forums.
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Post by Thin_J »

If I have access to the internet?

Hermit.

If I don't? Social Butterfly.

I actually tend to be a hermit from monday through friday, and then disappear from home entirely Friday and Saturday.

Sunday is kind of a one or the other day, depending on whether or not I have to work.
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Austin
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Post by Austin »

Both.

I really enjoy and to a point need my alone time. When we have house guests I need to be able to retreat for an hour or so now and than to get away from all the hustle. I never go to the mall around Christmas and generally don't like going to fairs or things with a lot of people bustling around.

On the other hand, when at a party where contacts need to be made or schmooshing needs to be done, I can do the job in spades... and kinda' enjoy it. We love having people over and my wife is Mrs. Hospitality 2002-2005. Part of my job is to train all our new distributor's sales force. This means getting a bunch of guys together in a conference room for 2 days. (and hands on work back in the lab) I would be lying if I said I wasn't really nervous every time, but once things get rolling, I get comfortable and 'in the zone' so to speak and things go swimmingly. Taking them out for dinner is one of my favorite things as we just chat and get to know each other.

I suppose I just don't like large groups of strangers. (Although I am told that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. :P)
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The Meal
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Post by The Meal »

This is a topic near-and-dear to my heart. One I struggle with fairly often, actually.

I grew up the youngest of four boys, the four of us being born in 1960, 61, 64, and me in 73. My brothers were leaving the house just about when I was growing old enough to be interesting. Each of my brothers had one or two cousins their own age with which to interact as they were growing up.

When I was about eight, my parents split up. As typically happens in such situations, there wasn't a whole lot of thought given to how to make the children happy on a daily basis (Mom and Dad were struggling with the longer-term issues). I didn't have a lot of friends my own age before school. But I did have a boatload of interactions with older folks (brothers) and adults.

My home town of about 3,500 people had two elementary school. The public school had class sizes of about a hundred. The parochial school, St. Mary's, had class sizes on the order of 5-8. My first-grade class had eleven students in it and was the largest class St. Mary's had ever seen. So while I didn't go to school with any of the neighborhood kids, I did have a pretty tiny group in which I could make close bonds (hmmm, sounds like a new website I'm thinkingn of...). Of course, I screwed all that up by getting promoted to the second grade before Christmas of that year. So not only did I go to the "outsider" school, but I was an outsider in my own class (of eight students).

That all being more than 20 years ago, I'll admit that my own memory is pretty fuzzy. I don't remember any quality social interactions in second grade, but by the time third grade rolled around I do remember feeling like I pretty much fit in. At least I know that I had one *good* friend, Matt Gibbons, and that is, in my mind, about all it takes to ensure that a kid doesn't end up a complete social outcast.

After fifth grade Mom wanted to move out of the area and back down to Detroit. I expressed to my Dad (who'd basically been hands-off with me in those couple of years since the divorce) that I didn't want to move to Detroit, so when Mom wasn't willing to just let me stay with Dad, he and I pulled off a "kidnapping." She didn't contest custody when I told her that I'd rather stay in Charlevoix and live with him.

Sixth grade saw the merge of the St. Mary's kids into the public school (there was no parochial-school option after fifth grade). Matt Gibbons wasn't in my class of 25 kids. In fact, I don't recall *any* of my St. Mary's mates being in that class with me. I did manage to test into the PAT (program for academically talented) which put me in the dual role as a recognized nerd and into a smaller classroom on an advanced track for math courses. Going to a smaller school like that, there wasn't separate college-bound AP classes for students in any other discipline than mathematics, and the math AP track just saw the sixth-graders taking seventh-grade math, the 7th graders doing 8th-grade stuff, and when I was in 8th grade, I was doing Freshman Algebra). So I did make friends with some of the PAT kids (friendships that held together through High School), and found a social niche among the gamers, geeks, and nerds.

I did struggle with trying to go the sports route, but the combination of my young age (being a year younger in sixth grade made a *huge* difference physical development-wise), being diagnosed with asthma, and being a latchkey kid with a single-father who worked anywhere from ten to sixteen hour days during the winters (he was a foreman with the Road Commission in northern Michigan in the primary snowbelt area near Boyne Highlands, Nubs Knob, Boyne Mountain, Shanty Creek, etc. ski resorts -- he stayed plenty busy keeping the roads passable) meant that I was working out of a pretty large hole atheletically.

I did make good friends in my Dad's neighborhood with three boys my age. Spent lots of time playing hoops, playing on the ski-hill across the street from my house, playing down on the shores of Lake Michigan, gaming (Champions, D&D, Marvel Super Heros, MERP, Car Wars, etc.) and the like. Ryan was a year behind me in school, but six months older than I, Jason was two years behind in school, and Matt was three years behind. I had found that it was easier for me to make friends in school not necessarily with classmates, but with anyone in any grade who shared my interests. Being on the one-year-ahead math track meant that I interacted with plenty of kids in the grade ahead of me, in addition to Ryan, Jason, and Matt's buddies from earlier grades. (Probably has a lot to do with me not really looking forward to going home for any of my class reunions -- I want reunions that encompass a five-year span of classmates.)

I was socially shunned through my sophomore year of school. I hadn't quite given up on sports (I played on the Freshman and JV basketball teams), but by the time I was old enough to bike around town I had always held down a job of some sort, so that made sports that much more difficult. My class developed fairly interestingly that as we got older the formerly-known-as-PAT kids didn't really turn out to be a buncha nerds (excepting me and my group of gaming cronies, of course). Being associated with that group didn't necessarily indicate stigma, however, and it was about mid-way through High School that this was pretty universally recognized. I grew up in a resort town where summers would see a 10X increase in population, mostly high-falootin' families from Detroit and Chicago areas coming into town with their kids for recreational boating or golfiing or whatever... Anyway, lots and lots of chances for a kid like me to meet peers who didn't know my whole history... Somewhere arond my sophomore year I met some *ladies* (you have to say that in Driver's "For the ladies!" voice) and the confidence that came from that interaction carried through the following fall. I remained one of the gamers in the gamer group, but suddenly I wasn't one of *those* gamers, but instead I started transcending the various cliques. My associated with the advanced math kids wasn't counting against me, my bit-participation in basketball (I scored one point in my two years of hoops -- the first half of a one-and-one freethrow on the last game of the season my freshman year: you should've heard the crowd erupt!) meant I wasn't a complete waste and the self-confidence from finding out that cute girls who didn't know my backstory thought I was interesting enough to hang with was just the ego-boost my little boy mind needed.

I left HS on a pretty good note, but not on such a good note that I really wanted to hang onto my HS experience and try to recreate those in college. I've always found that the kids who thrive in college are those who had to struggle a bit socially in HS. It helped that I came from an affluent HS and went off to a technical college as I soon found that my geeky-friends in HS were pretty much the median of the student body at college. Knowing I didn't want to get lumped in with them, I made it a point to try and hang with a different crowd in college (which is funny, because it didn't take long for me to make friends in both groups, although again I never became one of *those* gamers who'd shun showers for weeks on end, only wear the same pair of sweatpants every day to classes, and subsist on pizza to the point where my zits had zits on top of them). By the end of my freshman year I not only had played intramural football, basketball, volleyball, and broomball teams, but I had also dated a few women and could at any given time pick up the phone and talk to some 30 different people if I were looking for a social activity to partake in. I blossomed.

I also went to college long enough to go through three sets of friends. As my dorm friends grew up and graduated away, I started hanging out with folks I had met in my majors (Physics and Mechanical Engineering). I moved out of the dorms and while the numbers of friends I had to pick from were smaller, the depth of friendship was much larger. I was young in college, so I never really got to break into the barscene as an undergrad, but it being a college town, there were plenty of houseparties (GDI and Frat - if you go to an engineering college in the Upper Peninsula, turns out that Frats are pretty darn accomodating to non-Frat folks, and I had as many friends who were GDI as were in Frats, so I was able to play both sides of that field) for someone in my shoes to pick from. It was fairly typical for people at MTU to reenlist and go to grad school there, and that was exactly what I had done. This was a pretty easy transition as I knew most of my classmates still, and got to know some of the transfer students from other colleges. The social circle grew smaller but the quality of friendship went way up. I took my time about graduating and managed to take some time off and work out in Colorado, so when I got back from my time at the NWTC there was a whole new group of grad students to pal around with (with me now as some sort of elder statesman and connection to names of the past that these students had only heard about through the grapevine). My friendships with this younger class of grad students weren't as tight, but I still had plenty of social outlets.

Then I went off and worked. Fortunately I took a job with a company who was hiring a zillion new college hires, so it didn't take long for me to fall in with a group of 6-8 guys whom did just about everything together (bar hopping, concerts in Minneapolis, Twins or Vikings games, boating on Lake Peppin, etc.). We were all engineers (half mechanical, half electrical) working for technology companies (WD or IBM) making good money with little in the way of responsibilities. If undergrad was 13th through 16th grades and grad school 17th and 18th grade, I was firmly in 19th grade "Now with Sizable Paycheck!" It was a fun time. Girls floated in and out of our circle, but none of us really met anyone serious until the very end of this period. WD shut its doors in Minnesota in January of 2000, and all but one of our group ended up out in Longmont, Colorado (the last guy stayed on with WD and still works for them in Irvine, CA).

The Longmont years have been quite a bit different in our social circle. Guys got engaged and married. Friends are starting to have kids. New folks have broken into our circle, and for a long time there was a dichotomy between the New College Hires (who wanted to PARTY! much like we had wanted to when we were in Minnesota) and old-school guys in the circle who were sort of breaking out of the party-all-the-time mold. I was one of the first to sort of gravitate away from the drowning-my-liver every weekend school of thought and as such sort of gravitated out of the circle a bit quicker than some of the others. When I met MHS online and we started our long-distance thing, it was just the kick I needed to start saying "No" to the bar scene and "Yes" to the long-distance charges, IMs, IRC channel, and web forum.

I'm still part of the circle of friends that I moved out here with, but I'm sort of an asteroid to their well-defined planetary orbits. About every month or so we'll do something with that crowd (earlier this week it was The Tragically Hip down at the Gothic). But now it's more about other folks with similar interests. I don't hold partying as a common hobby with that old circle and having a pre-adolescent child in my life now means that my tragectory is on a much different path than any of that circle. I'm closer friends with ChrisGrenard than the guys I've drank countless kegs with who still live in the area. MHS moved into town and while she's a very social person, this circle of friends is a tough nut to crack. She got unfairly resented as the reason why I withdrew from the group to such a large extent (I'm guessing here). All the rest of the ladies from this circle hail from formative years in the midwest (all five girls are from Wisconsin) which comes with a very well-defined manner of what is and what isn't acceptable -- something reinforced by their own interactions with each other.

Basically I've come full circle. Growing up I had a very small circle of close friends, and then I went through a very active period of about a dozen years where I had large circles of friends. As I grew into a more family-oriented spot in my life, I've found that it's more important to be close to a small number of people with aligned hobbies or entertainment options. I don't feel bad when I go two weeks without talking to one of my friends outside of work. I enjoy my time to myself and time spent with my girls. I love it when we can have Chris over for a barbeque and he and I get to talk games or forums or about college life. The COGGG-Ts have put me in touch with some great folks that I wish lived nearer so that I could spend more time with them. Drinking and gregarious behavior makes for a fun common reference point, but its not a *lasting* reference point. Gaming and the life experiences we share around here are much more meaningful items in my life right now. I know that it's rare that we interact in a physical manner, but I don't think that's necessarily harmful as a social outlet. As I've said, I wish there were more of you I could have over or jump in a hot tub with more often, but as far as social outlets go, I'm fine with getting them here in the ether. I've made much closer friends with people from my time online than I have via face-to-face. Even if the GG demise had been permanent and no other forum outlets would have opened up, I guarantee you there would be at least twentysome folks (likely more) that I'd have tried to track down via email and maintain some level of friendship with (including many folks with whom I've never shared an email, but have only chatted with on the forums). To me, that qualifies as real intereaction.

So I'm split. I'd prefer more physical time spent communicating in ways that don't give me carpal tunnel, but I'm very thankful to have grown up in an era where I've got this option available to me to interact with folks around the country and around the world. There certainly are times when I'd like to get together and play Cribbage or Monopoly or Burnout 3 with my homies in my living room. But more often than not, having the internet available as a social outlet is much more satisfying, if for nothing more than the broad-spectrum of people available to pick from with which to make friends (or wives).

Need to be around people to be happy? At times.

~Neal
"Better to talk to people than communicate via tweet." — Elontra
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DiscoJason
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Post by DiscoJason »

Being an only child, I have no troubles being by myself. I could go forever without talking to anyone, though of course with a wife and two kids, that ain't gonna happen. Still, the wife definitely has to drag conversation out of me.

When I meet new people, I come across as an asshole because I tend not to be very open in conversation. However, once I get to know the person and I am in the mood, I can be a friendly and funny SOB.
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Post by slambie »

Zekester wrote: P.S.
Dear slambie:
In one of my old GG threads, you referred to me having a "shell of a life" because I was living with a girl out of convenience only.

Now that i'm single, I could argue that THIS is a shell of a life :!: :wink:
LOL. Yeah, but some shells are better than others. :D

Edit to add: Meal, will that dissertation be available in book format? :wink:
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Kraken
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Post by Kraken »

Definite hermit here. I have very few friends, all at a great distance, and I see them very rarely. I periodically begrudge even my wife her existence. As long as I have the net -- and dare I say this forum -- I could contentedly go for weeks without actually seeing a physical human. They're vastly overrated.
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Odin
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Post by Odin »

slambie wrote:Meal, will that dissertation be available in book format? :wink:
Yeah, hopefully to be followed by a Cliff's Notes.

I'm social if properly motivated, but being faily lazy I'll usually go the hermit route if left to my own devices.

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The Meal
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Post by The Meal »

slambie wrote:Edit to add: Meal, will that dissertation be available in book format? :wink:
I got logged out while typing that up. Thank goodness for Opera or such an important post (completely read by a total of one person, I'd imagine) may have been lost to history...

~Neal
"Better to talk to people than communicate via tweet." — Elontra
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MHS
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Post by MHS »

The Meal wrote:
slambie wrote:Edit to add: Meal, will that dissertation be available in book format? :wink:
I got logged out while typing that up. Thank goodness for Opera or such an important post (completely read by a total of one person, I'd imagine) may have been lost to history...

~Neal
I hope you weren't counting on that one person being me. I...skimmed. ;)


As for me, mostly hermit, with occasional wild urges to go out and be social, which inevitably end of reinforcing my hermit-like nature.
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Jancelot
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Post by Jancelot »

Hey Meal, I am the youngest of four by 11 years. While my parents didn't get divorced it's argualbe that maybe they should have. I learned to live in my room to 'get away from it all'. But overall I've found that I'm a person of balance. I love going out with or having large groups of people over for a party. Other times I'll just hang out with one person or a small group. I love all my friends and they are all very wonderful people who are dear to me.

At the same time I definitely need my alone time to recharge. Most weekends I'll take at least one night and just seal the doors. My search for a girl includes one who respects that part of me. I'm finding that there are a lot of co-dependent people out there who can't understand it.
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Post by CeeKay »

Someitmes social, sometime a hermit, with no rhyme or reason behind the madness.
CeeKay has left the building. See him exclusively at Gaming Trend!
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LordMortis
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Post by LordMortis »

I always thought I was a social butterfly, trapped in a misanthrope's/socially anxious person's body. As it turns out for the year I had a house to myself, I really enjoyed being all alone. Right now the opportunity cost of having a housemate who, in addition to being in my space, is not paying me is killing me. So as it turns out, I am mostly a hermit. Once or twice a month I really feel the need to get out of the house and it drives me crazy if I can't find someone or group of people right there and then, at my convenience, to go out and have a night on the town with. And then I prefer the maximum amount of any group to be 5-8. More than that and it's too much and too impersonal. I find that 3-4 is my ideal social (as in bigger than 1on1 or intimate) setting.
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Blackhawk
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Post by Blackhawk »

The Meal wrote:I grew up the youngest of four boys, the four of us being born in 1960, 61, 64, and me in 73. My brothers were leaving the house just about when I was growing old enough to be interesting. Each of my brothers had one or two cousins their own age with which to interact as they were growing up.

When I was about eight, my parents split up. I didn't have a lot of friends my own age before school. But I did have a boatload of interactions with older folks (brothers) and adults.

~Neal
I grew up the youngest of four kids, the four of us being born in 53, 55, and 57, and me in 73. My siblings were leaving the house just about when I was growing old enough to be interesting. Each of my siblings had one or two cousins their own age with which to interact as they were growing up.

Whin I was about eight, my mother died, leaving me with one parent. I didn't have a lot of friends my own age before school. But I did have a boatload of interactions with older folks (siblings) and adults.

----------snip---------------

I could go on, but why bother. Lots of similarities, though.

When you get right down to it, though, I am a true hermit. When nothing drags me out, I do only leave the house once every week or two. When I do go out, it is anonymous - grocery shopping, usually.

Despite that, I am married with two kids; how that happened, I don't know! :shock: I am quite happy with things, though.
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Post by Dirt »

I go in waves. Sometimes, I need alot of human contact. Sometimes, everyone annoys the hell out of me.
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Post by Napoleon »

Social butterfly with the need for alone time from time to time.

I enjoy a quiet evening of watching a dvd, surfing the web, chatting a bit on IRC and here and doing nothing at all, but I also quite often get an actual yearning to get out and be amongst other people.
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Rubyeye
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Post by Rubyeye »

I am definately a social person. As far as relationships go, they come and go and my friends are always available. I am out at least half of the week doing something with the fellas or the chick. Once in a while, it is great to stay at home and game all day but it would drive me insane if I did that on a daily basis. I blame my short attention span.
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dbt1949
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Post by dbt1949 »

What's funny is my wife was a social butterfly but the longer we're married the more she see's the wisdom of the hermit. Now she's almost as antisocial as I am!
I'm so proud of her!
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snoleopard
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Post by snoleopard »

Former social butterfly, now almost total hermit. Hoping to find a happy medium soon. Though I find I love my alone time now.
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warning
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Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:07 pm

Post by warning »

I see people professionally all day long. I have to be very interactive at work and I'm good at it. But when the day is done or on weekends I'd prefer to be at home with my wife, kids, dog and cats. I prefer the company of myself or my family to most people.
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Asharak
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Post by Asharak »

Discalced wrote:I'm a swinger, which makes me a hermit trapped inside a sociable penis.
Best line of the day. :)

Meal: it was a simple question, damnit! Still, great post.

As for myself, hermit, although I do find it nice to actually use my mouth to speak every once in a while, and I have no problems in social settings - I just find this an equally enjoyable and ultimately more diverse alternative.

- Ash
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Tine
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Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 11:57 am
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada

Post by Tine »

Like Ash said, relationships created on the internet are just as valuable to me than 'real life' relationships. Hell, I even met my husband online :-) Some of our friends, we've met online and thanks to the GG Get Together became an important part of our life. We still meet Simon, his wife Jen and their son Ethan, on a regular basis. With some other friends, I stay in touch through these boards or msn because of the distance that separates us. But Ash and Chris, that doesn't mean you're more than welcome to come over to the Westcoast for a visit .
During the day I meet lots of people in my job as a Safety advisor at the University in Victoria. So in the evenings and weekends, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends but I'm certainly not keen on bar hopping etc. I must more prefer a nice diner with a movie or a stroll along the beach. Of course, I won't say no either to a hockey or Lacross game...
The Evil Dead
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Post by The Evil Dead »

Image

Oh, I mean hermit. Yes, that's it.
Listen to the Eels
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dedewhale
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Location: NJ

Post by dedewhale »

low need for affiliation here!
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Zurai
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:30 pm

Post by Zurai »

I'm kind of a mix. I'm definately not a true "social butterfly", because I can't stand parties or clubs or the like, but I do enjoy human interaction as long as it's with friends. The trouble is that I make friends very, very slowly, so I tend to be more of a hermit than anything else.
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