[Gushing Parents] Tell me your cute kid stories

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:33 am

Over breakfast with kiddo 3.11

Me - Do you remember you are going to a play date today?
kiddo - Yes. Is mommy coming?
Me - Yes, she will be there and your sister too.
kiddo - But you won't be there, right?
Me - Right.
kiddo - Because you have to work.
Me - Right.
kiddo - But Daddy, you're going to miss all the 'citement!

So true, so true.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 7:09 pm

My almost 4 year old younger child informed my wife yesterday that moms can't be the boss -- of a ninja.

This role significantly departs from type as she's usually calling herself a pirate. I guess she just figured out pirates must obey their captain.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 7:14 pm

Ninja either belonged to a house or were hired by those who wished their services. Even ninja took orders.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:02 pm

Thomas (three-and-a-half) on the subject of testicles:

"But I want THREE balls!"

According to a text I just received from my wife, he's also considering the possibility of growing additional penises.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:00 pm

Little B (4.4): "Dad, why do you have fur in your nose?"

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:00 pm

Isgrimnur wrote:Ninja either belonged to a house or were hired by those who wished their services. Even ninja took orders.

Only if they could find and catch their fellow ninja. And they weren't throwing temper tantrums.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:14 pm

The temper tantrums should make them easy to catch.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:31 pm

YellowPrincess (3) is in "animal facts" phase right now.

So far I have learned that:

1. If a shark bites off an okkapus's arm, it will grow back.

2. An arma-deer-lo can roll up into a ball.

3. Dinosaurs lived a long long long long long long long long time ago but they aren't real.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:33 pm

YellowKing wrote:3. Dinosaurs lived a long long long long long long long long time ago but they aren't real.

Intelligent Design making into daycares these days?

IceBear · Post by **IceBear** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:13 am

My son broke down into a huge sobbing / crying fit when we sang happy birthday to him on his second birthday. He's either very sensitive about his age already or is trying to tell us something about our singing

PLW · Post by **PLW** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:24 am

IceBear wrote:My son broke down into a huge sobbing / crying fit when we sang happy birthday to him on his second birthday. He's either very sensitive about his age already or is trying to tell us something about our singing

My daughter did the same thing. I think it might be all the singing(noise) and focussed attention.

J.D. · Post by **J.D.** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:31 am

Son 3.1 - Daddy, can I have cheese on my pasta?
Me - Oh, ok. You like cheese on your pasta?
Son 3.1 - Yes Daddy! I like cheese better than you!
Me - Is that so? Well, I can say the same thing about bacon.

IceBear · Post by **IceBear** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:42 am

PLW wrote:
IceBear wrote:My son broke down into a huge sobbing / crying fit when we sang happy birthday to him on his second birthday. He's either very sensitive about his age already or is trying to tell us something about our singing
My daughter did the same thing. I think it might be all the singing(noise) and focussed attention.

Yeah, I am pretty sure that's all it is, but I like putting funny thoughts in his head

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 9:05 am

We went to McDonalds for lunch yesterday and Ronald McDonald was there. My 3.11 year old was fine with it as long as he was nowhere near her and she was sitting on my lap or being held. But then she kept complaining that she wanted to give him a high-five...but not, you know, with touching hands or anything. I had to leave to get back to work before my wife took them home and I heard that on the way out, she did actually get her high five and it made her day. Personal growth!

Markstrink · Post by **Markstrink** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 9:06 am

I frequently get.

Kaya (4.4) - daddy, why is there less hair on top of your head?

As well as...

Kaya - why do you have white whiskers now?

In reference to my stubble that's recently gotten very peppered.

And the other day.

Kaya- Daddy you know you have white hairs in your eyebrows?

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 9:15 am

Kids: Mom, pretend we're cowboys and we walk into your bar.
Mom: OK. What'll it be, gentlemen?
Kids: Um, beer.
Mom: Sure. What kind?
Kids: Peppermint.

Jaymon · Post by **Jaymon** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 9:42 am

CCR Proud Mary came on the radio in the car the other day. My daughter started clapping along.
I was so proud

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:02 am

Last week we took the bus home from work/daycare while the wife took the car. We got on on Michigan and sat in heavy traffic for about 10 mintues/2 blocks. As we crawled along she spotted a convertable outside the window stuck in traffic next to us. She said things like, "Hey, that car has no top!" and I explained convertables to her. People around us, stuck on the bus, gave grins and chuckled as I explained. Then she said, of the driver of the car, "Hey, that guy has no hair! He's bald and his car has no top!" I was mortified but everyone started laughing out loud. Even the bald guys.

1 more block and about 5 minutes later, she said, "I have to pee...BAD!" By the grace of God, we were pulling up to the Water Tower Place stop so we jumped off, me in a panic (on our recent vacation she peed in the car so I know from "BAD!"). We ran into the Water Tower and I frantically searched the map for the nearest bathroom. There were some on 2 but there was a "Family" restroom on 3. I took the gamble and we headed up the escalators to the 3rd floor. Well, it worked out fine, no accidents, and we went into the spacious Family restroom (are you supposed to lock he door? It had 2 toilets but no dividers). As we were sitting there, her on the pot and me marvelling at the 12x12 marble tiled restroom, she said, "Hey, daddy, I love this music!" I hadn't been paying attention but it was Miles Davis. "Really? You do?" "Yes, I LOVE it, daddy!" Bam! It was on! We spent the next half-hour in the 3rd floor lobby area dancing and listening to the jazz they were pumping in.

By the time we left the mall, traffic was clearing and we grabbed a half-empty bus through Lincoln Park and marvelled at all the trees and joggers and dogs. "Hey, that guy has no shirt!!!" was heard often.

And that is how what would have been an average 1-hour commute in a snarl of rush hour summer traffic transforms into 2 of the best hours of my life.

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:41 am

LawBeefaroni wrote:And that is how what would have been an average 1-hour commute in a snarl of rush hour summer traffic transforms into 2 of the best hours of my life.

Awww

silverjon · Post by **silverjon** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:47 am

That was a particularly sweet anecdote.

Captain Caveman · Post by **Captain Caveman** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:58 am

Awesome, Lawbeef.

My new favorite things is that I taught my 2 year old to scream "Respect my autonomy, Mommy!" when she insists on cuddles and kisses when all he wants to do is play. I can't wait until this happens in public.

IceBear · Post by **IceBear** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:19 am

My son has taken to crying "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" when he doesn't want to be picked up. My wife had taken him to the bookstore and they had a Thomas trainset on a playtable which he was thoroughly enjoying. So, when it was time to leave, he of course didn't want to, and my wife was on the receiving end of many stares as she headed towards the door with Zack screaming "Ouch!" at the top of his lungs.

Markstrink · Post by **Markstrink** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 12:43 pm

After having gotten horrible stares in a sears on time. I feel the pain.
We were waiting to check out and there were many people in the line. Kaya, at the time 3, she was jumpin in and out of line. Pulling the barricade for the line. I warned her if she did it again we would go outside. She decided to jump out and nearly pull the rope divider down on the lady behind us. I grabbed her hand, handed the stuff I was buyin to her mom, and we headed out to the foyer. Kaya screaming. Lady who was in front of me looked at me like I was the worst parent in the world. And all we did was stand I bathe foyer while my daughter cried.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 12:51 pm

Markstrink wrote:And all we did was stand I bathe foyer while my daughter cried.

Ahhh, autocorret, how you amuse me.

Boudreaux · Post by **Boudreaux** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 1:56 pm

IceBear wrote:My son has taken to crying "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" when he doesn't want to be picked up. My wife had taken him to the bookstore and they had a Thomas trainset on a playtable which he was thoroughly enjoying. So, when it was time to leave, he of course didn't want to, and my wife was on the receiving end of many stares as she headed towards the door with Zack screaming "Ouch!" at the top of his lungs.

My 3-year-old went through a phase like this, except he would start screaming "HELP! HELP!" at the top of his lungs.

This is particularly not amusing in public.

My wife had him at the grocery store one afternoon, and he completely lost it at the checkout when she started pulling things out of the cart that HE wanted to put on the belt. Total meltdown, as only a toddler can do. She finished paying and had to haul him out of there while he was screaming "NO! NO! HELP! HEEEEELP!!". I'm amazed nobody stopped her.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:08 pm

LawBeefaroni wrote:And that is how what would have been an average 1-hour commute in a snarl of rush hour summer traffic transforms into 2 of the best hours of my life.

That's awesome, I'm jealous.

In trying to juggle two colicky newborns, our default answer to anything Little B asks has become "Maybe later".

- Can we go to the park? Maybe later (as we're in the middle of changing two massive diaper blowouts).
- Can you read me a story? Maybe later (as I'm walking around the house with a screaming infant in each arm trying to calm them down)
- Can we go out and ride my bike? Maybe later (as I'm trying to squeeze in 15 minutes of much-needed sleep).

Last night, Little B came up to Mrs. Skinypupy as she was changing Wonder Twin #1 and asked, "Mom, can you play a game with me?" Before Mrs. Skinypupy could even turn around and answer, Little B dejectedly said "I know...maybe later", put her head down, slumped her shoulders, and trudged off to her room.

Man, talk about feeling like shit...

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:10 pm

When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My baby boy turns 13 in September. Time fucking flies.

silverjon · Post by **silverjon** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:10 pm

Being the oldest kinda sucks....

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:27 pm

Skinypupy wrote:
That's awesome, I'm jealous.

In trying to juggle two colicky newborns, our default answer to anything Little B asks has become "Maybe later".

- Can we go to the park? Maybe later (as we're in the middle of changing two massive diaper blowouts).
- Can you read me a story? Maybe later (as I'm walking around the house with a screaming infant in each arm trying to calm them down)
- Can we go out and ride my bike? Maybe later (as I'm trying to squeeze in 15 minutes of much-needed sleep).

Last night, Little B came up to Mrs. Skinypupy as she was changing Wonder Twin #1 and asked, "Mom, can you play a game with me?" Before Mrs. Skinypupy could even turn around and answer, Little B dejectedly said "I know...maybe later", put her head down, slumped her shoulders, and trudged off to her room.

Man, talk about feeling like shit...

Oof, that's rough. If it's any consolation, I have a friend who was in a similar situation. One 4 year-old and then suddenly new twins. They weren't colicky but had other issues that needed constant attention. He was going out of his mind. He came into town on business for two days in the middle of it and I have never seen him go through 6 doubles of scotch so fast as the moment he got off the plane (and I went to college with the guy). Anyway, his daughter was feeling pushed to the back burner too and while he noticed it, he said he didn't even have time to address or deal with it. They were eventually able to work in shifts with the twins and elder-daughter-duty became almost like time off. She survived with no ill effects. Though she is still very good at guilting her parents on occasion.

Now he says while it may have been the most stressful, sleepless time of his life, he *ahem cliche* wouldn't trade it for anything. He also says he wants to beat the crap out of his pre-twin self for thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:57 pm

LawBeefaroni wrote:Oof, that's rough. If it's any consolation, I have a friend who was in a similar situation. One 4 year-old and then suddenly new twins. They weren't colicky but had other issues that needed constant attention. He was going out of his mind. He came into town on business for two days in the middle of it and I have never seen him go through 6 doubles of scotch so fast as the moment he got off the plane (and I went to college with the guy). Anyway, his daughter was feeling pushed to the back burner too and while he noticed it, he said he didn't even have time to address or deal with it. They were eventually able to work in shifts with the twins and elder-daughter-duty became almost like time off. She survived with no ill effects. Though she is still very good at guilting her parents on occasion.

Now he says while it may have been the most stressful, sleepless time of his life, he *ahem cliche* wouldn't trade it for anything. He also says he wants to beat the crap out of his pre-twin self for thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Stressful and sleepless definitely sound about right. I'm pretty much living on caffeine at this point, and I have that near-constant throbbing headache that accompanies lack of sleep. It's made worse by the fact that we're coming up on our fiscal year-end, which is always the most stressful time of year anyways. I'm nowhere near as effective as I need to be, but thankfully my boss is pretty cool about it (he's got 4 kids of his own).

We're remarkably fortunate to have a bunch of awesome neighbors who have been willing to take Little B at the drop of a hat. So instead of sitting around watching TV while mom and dad wrangle the twins, she can go over to their houses and play (i.e. get spoiled) for a few hours every day. It's been a godsend over the last couple weeks.

I'm on a cross-country flight tomorrow to DC. I typically dislike traveling, but a quiet hotel room with no screaming children honestly sounds like paradise right about now. I even got upgraded to First Class, which has never happened in the 30'ish times I've done that flight. The sleep gods must know I'm running dangerously low.

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:04 pm

Skinypupy wrote:
LawBeefaroni wrote:Oof, that's rough. If it's any consolation, I have a friend who was in a similar situation. One 4 year-old and then suddenly new twins. They weren't colicky but had other issues that needed constant attention. He was going out of his mind. He came into town on business for two days in the middle of it and I have never seen him go through 6 doubles of scotch so fast as the moment he got off the plane (and I went to college with the guy). Anyway, his daughter was feeling pushed to the back burner too and while he noticed it, he said he didn't even have time to address or deal with it. They were eventually able to work in shifts with the twins and elder-daughter-duty became almost like time off. She survived with no ill effects. Though she is still very good at guilting her parents on occasion.

Now he says while it may have been the most stressful, sleepless time of his life, he *ahem cliche* wouldn't trade it for anything. He also says he wants to beat the crap out of his pre-twin self for thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Stressful and sleepless definitely sound about right. I'm pretty much living on caffeine at this point, and I have that near-constant throbbing headache that accompanies lack of sleep. It's made worse by the fact that we're coming up on our fiscal year-end, which is always the most stressful time of year anyways. I'm nowhere near as effective as I need to be, but thankfully my boss is pretty cool about it (he's got 4 kids of his own).

We're remarkably fortunate to have a bunch of awesome neighbors who have been willing to take Little B at the drop of a hat. So instead of sitting around watching TV while mom and dad wrangle the twins, she can go over to their houses and play (i.e. get spoiled) for a few hours every day. It's been a godsend over the last couple weeks.

I'm on a cross-country flight tomorrow to DC. I typically dislike traveling, but a quiet hotel room with no screaming children honestly sounds like paradise right about now. I even got upgraded to First Class, which has never happened in the 30'ish times I've done that flight. The sleep gods must know I'm running dangerously low.

Please tell me your wife is going to have extra help while you are on the trip.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:18 pm

Yep, her mom is staying the night.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:22 pm

I didn't want to freak you out when you announced that you were expecting twins, but the only family I know with twins eventually joined a support group for parents with multiples. I know the mother was at her limit and she said the group was very helpful. Not sure if that's an option for you, but I mention it on the off chance it's something than can be of benefit. I don't know exactly where they found the group (this was 12+ years ago so it was probably the hospital or doctor's office); I'd imagine it would be much easier now searching on the Intertubes. Good luck.

Octavious · Post by **Octavious** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:27 pm

Not my kid, but I found the story funny. He's a very sarcastic person so don't take it too seriously.

Kid: Daddy why aren't you eating your dinner?
Me: Because your mother didn't make me anything to eat.
Kid: Mommy, why didn't you make daddy's dinner?
Mommy: Gavin, didn't I just walk through the door? I'm not superwoman you know. I can't do everything.
Gavin: Well Superman is downstairs...and he needs to eat.
Mommy: Excuse you???

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:34 pm

Skinypupy wrote:
LawBeefaroni wrote:Oof, that's rough. If it's any consolation, I have a friend who was in a similar situation. One 4 year-old and then suddenly new twins. They weren't colicky but had other issues that needed constant attention. He was going out of his mind. He came into town on business for two days in the middle of it and I have never seen him go through 6 doubles of scotch so fast as the moment he got off the plane (and I went to college with the guy). Anyway, his daughter was feeling pushed to the back burner too and while he noticed it, he said he didn't even have time to address or deal with it. They were eventually able to work in shifts with the twins and elder-daughter-duty became almost like time off. She survived with no ill effects. Though she is still very good at guilting her parents on occasion.

Now he says while it may have been the most stressful, sleepless time of his life, he *ahem cliche* wouldn't trade it for anything. He also says he wants to beat the crap out of his pre-twin self for thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Stressful and sleepless definitely sound about right. I'm pretty much living on caffeine at this point, and I have that near-constant throbbing headache that accompanies lack of sleep. It's made worse by the fact that we're coming up on our fiscal year-end, which is always the most stressful time of year anyways. I'm nowhere near as effective as I need to be, but thankfully my boss is pretty cool about it (he's got 4 kids of his own).

We're remarkably fortunate to have a bunch of awesome neighbors who have been willing to take Little B at the drop of a hat. So instead of sitting around watching TV while mom and dad wrangle the twins, she can go over to their houses and play (i.e. get spoiled) for a few hours every day. It's been a godsend over the last couple weeks.

I'm on a cross-country flight tomorrow to DC. I typically dislike traveling, but a quiet hotel room with no screaming children honestly sounds like paradise right about now. I even got upgraded to First Class, which has never happened in the 30'ish times I've done that flight. The sleep gods must know I'm running dangerously low.

just wait for the feeling of guilt to rush in when your wife is alone with the kids

That's not a judgement, it's just a fact

I was away for the weekend and I felt bad that she had to deal with a 3 year old toddler who is challenging everything we do.

DOH didn't read the whole thread

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:39 pm

Boudreaux wrote:
IceBear wrote:My son has taken to crying "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" when he doesn't want to be picked up. My wife had taken him to the bookstore and they had a Thomas trainset on a playtable which he was thoroughly enjoying. So, when it was time to leave, he of course didn't want to, and my wife was on the receiving end of many stares as she headed towards the door with Zack screaming "Ouch!" at the top of his lungs.
My 3-year-old went through a phase like this, except he would start screaming "HELP! HELP!" at the top of his lungs.

This is particularly not amusing in public.

My wife had him at the grocery store one afternoon, and he completely lost it at the checkout when she started pulling things out of the cart that HE wanted to put on the belt. Total meltdown, as only a toddler can do. She finished paying and had to haul him out of there while he was screaming "NO! NO! HELP! HEEEEELP!!". I'm amazed nobody stopped her.

This didn't happen to me, but this last weekend we were at one of Ethan's friends birthday party. I was talking with one of the moms about my adventure with potty training with Ethan. Particularly public restrooms... She shared that one time when she was at Disneyland with her family the father took his son to go potty. Her son is at the point that he doesn't want anyone to watch, so her dad turns around in the stall while he goes, and the son would tap when he was done. Well, I'm not sure what exactly happened, but on that occasion he touched his kid on the shoulder and all of a sudden in a public restroom that her son started talking very loudly, don't touch me daddy! Talk about embarrassing.

Crabbs · Post by **Crabbs** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:06 pm

Amelia (2.9) loves going shopping and somehow she never fails to entertain while shopping with us.

Last month was our 8th wedding anniversary and I needed to find a card for my wife. Amelia was helping me browse the card aisle at the local supermarket. She happened to pick out a pink card with red hearts on it that reads: (Outside of card) I still remember the first thing that made me fall in love with you.... (Inside of card) ...The Great Sex. Next you notice a cutout of two rabbits having sex, with the cutout vibrating wildly and playing cheesy porn music. Amelia is in stitches every time that card opens and there is no way i'm going to get her to relinquish it w/o some tears. It'll be a nice gag card to give to mom. I had not counted on the fact that while standing in the checkout line (Amelia riding on my shoulders) she was going to show the card to anyone that passed by saying 'Daddy buying it for mommy."

This last weekend at the same grocery store Amelia is in the cart while we run though the self checkout. Another shopper gets in line behind us and Amelia starts chatting her up. Next thing I hear is "What's wrong with your eye?" mortified I look up and see the woman has a really bad lazy eye. The woman is a good sport and just chuckles while I try to play it off and tell the woman that Amelia will talk her ear off if she's not careful. After grilling the woman about what she has in her cart I hear "What's on your lip?" Oh Oh... I look up to notice that the woman has more of a mustache than I could grow in a week of trying... I try to save face by saying "It's lipstick, just like what Grandma will put on your lips." Luckily we were done checking out and could make a hasty retreat to the car w/o losing it ourselves.

Oh from the mouths of babes....

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:11 pm

My parents took (at the time) our 4 year old daughter to a parade somewhere but they were having problems seeing it march by because of the big crowds. They moved around a bit and my Dad was trying to be helpful when he asked if she could see any better, and she yells out, "No, there's a BIG FAT LADY in front of me!" My parents were horrified but when they moved away they just started laughing. It really is true -- there's no filter. None.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:32 pm

Last Thursday:

Wife: "How was your day today?"
Daughter: "I didn't have a day. Someone just took my day and crunched it up. And then they put it in the bin. And then they just gave me another one."

Managed to salvage a few days' worth of posts:

Spoiler:

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 4:16 pm

Is there a Bad Parent thread? I can't remember.

I think I accidentally water boarded my 4yo daughter. We have a shower head on a wand and I was giving here a bath and washing her hair. She hates water in her face, so I let her hold a face cloth over it while I wash her hair. As long as she looks toward the ceiling, it works great. If she dips her head down, though, she gets soaked.

So I was washing her hair and she was crying and I told her to look up. She looked down, soaked the facecloth, and then tried to inhale. The resulting water caused her to joke and almost vomit. I got her calmed down and finished. The next bath, the exact same thing happens. She was far from pleased.

Now she is terrified of baths. She literally tries to climb the wall to get away. On the one hand, I get it. On the other, she needs to bathe. The last two times there was no water torture, but the terrified crying continues. For the next one, I'm thinking of using a pool mask to help her out. Have to see how that goes.