Octopus Overlords

It's always nice to hear gOOd news. Either you never related the story in full or I just haven't been paying close enough attention; I didn't realize all the twists and turns and how long your journey has been going on. I'm excited for you and am wishing you the best.

The Meal wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 12:17 pm I’d think you’re still super marketable if this opportunity flames out. Plenty of time to recover before college funding fears kick in. Bet on yourself and go for it!

Yeah. If nothing else, this exercise has been some good validation that my skills are in demand and I do actually interview pretty well.

And congrats on your new gig. That's awesome!

stimpy wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 11:21 pm

The Meal wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 9:29 am I got a job.

Damn.....are you long winded......lol

I enjoyed that read!

Congratulations on getting a chance to do something that truly excites you!

Meal, congrats! That was a fun read, too.

And there's a corner of my mind that's a little jealous.

Really good to hear news like this @The Meal - it's always nice when you can stay on your own preferred track.

Congrats, Neal, your story stuck a chord with me, especially the part about "cloaking" your education dates on your resumé (that's quite the wake-up call about aging, isn't it?! )

It's making me consider posting my long strange recent journey as well. I have stayed clear of this particular forum topic for...reasons.

Struggling, to say the least. Your story is literally inspiring (me to get off my ass).

Thank you everyone for the well wishes and congratulations. A few responses to some of your comments...

Madmarcus wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 12:32 am I'll even ignore the dig at teachers being non-productive!

I was hoping some of my teacher friends would appreciate that in the spirit it was intended. I think what teachers produce is even more tangible than what's done in commercial industries. Every single day you have to be present, in front of a room full of judging individuals, and you have to perform. I think that'd be an invigorating challenge on the days I felt like performing, but I know that having to generate that content, every. single. day. would not always be invigorating. I've got mad respect for folks who make a long term career out of that path. My own thoughts is that I want to wind down my technical career once I feel like I've got enough first-hand experience to really share something beyond what could be found in textbooks and typical lecture notes. (I'm greedy that way — I want the fallback plan of also having interesting, relevant stories to fall back on when the material itself isn't good enough to prop up my lectures.) I will make this happen some day.

Smoove_B wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 12:52 am It's always nice to hear gOOd news. Either you never related the story in full or I just haven't been paying close enough attention; I didn't realize all the twists and turns and how long your journey has been going on. I'm excited for you and am wishing you the best.

You haven't missed anything. In fact, even in my little writeup I glossed over some of the things which made it difficult for me to post about these things here. Generally, I was unfair to my family and especially MHS. In that stretch of five years, there were two windows where I burned through savings during a time I struggled with figuring out "what I wanted to be when I grew up," and the family had no other real option but to stand aside and put up with the choices I was making which affected all of us. And I did that in the midst of what is generally considered one's most productive era in their career. I'm not proud of those times, my choices, or the continuing effects it will have for the people I love.

So I sort of bailed on documenting my journey of being a selfish piece of shit until there was a better side of the story to share.

Blackhawk wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 10:02 am Meal, congrats! That was a fun read, too.

And there's a corner of my mind that's a little jealous.

I try to be appreciative of the benefits I've had. My family, despite its own foibles, did give me a legitimate launchpad from which I could educate myself up and expand the reach which was available to them. I'm not 100% clear on whether or not I've provided the same opportunity to our daughter, and that murky thought bothers me. But my parents are both very supportive (in their own ways), and I get to point to my father specifically for equipping me with a positive mental attitude (in my default state) and a strong work ethic, both of which have been huge contributors to any success I've had.

If I have achieved further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 11:35 am Congrats, Neal, your story stuck a chord with me, especially the part about "cloaking" your education dates on your resumé (that's quite the wake-up call about aging, isn't it?! )

It's making me consider posting my long strange recent journey as well. I have stayed clear of this particular forum topic for...reasons.

Struggling, to say the least. Your story is literally inspiring (me to get off my ass).

Without overlaying my own reasons for avoiding posting about this topic (very strong reasons very much tied to my own perception of self worth) I can say I very much empathize. I'm honored that you'd take my little story as inspiration, and hope you let all of us provide strong encouragement.

I'm just guessing about the potential for ageism affecting companies' initial perception of my resume. I know some of it has to be not knowing what to do with a guy who's got a lot of experience in an industry which is difficult to understand how it affects their particular field. It affected me. I was applying for entry level jobs as well as senior/principal/general-top-of-the-heap-technologist positions, and everything in between. I didn't even know for which level to target my relevance (but in the end trusted that someone else would want to figure it out, and as it turned out both companies I discussed in my little blurb ended up adding a level to my potential title compared to what they were originally seeking).

One of the fun things I think is in the process of happening, is the corporate world is letting this post-apocalypse-era (be it the pandemic or American anti-exceptionalism {or both}) be a giant reset. Again, maybe I'm projecting, but what I'm seeing right now is that the western corporate world is redefining what it means for professional work (in office, at home, move to Wyoming and be remote...) and that's also forcing different questions to also be answered. Wall Street is (somehow, maybe?) projecting positivity in this recovery in anticipation of some sort of new way of being, which is self-fulfilling in corporate America's ability to reset and rebuild. That's a bunch of nancy words around the concept of there being new opportunities and new paths for self-defined success. If there's ever a time to put yourself out there and "go for it," to try to find new satisfaction in your career, I think this is our inflection point.

Why not try?

~*~*~

Skinypupy wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 2:21 am

The Meal wrote: ↑Sat Mar 06, 2021 12:17 pm I’d think you’re still super marketable if this opportunity flames out. Plenty of time to recover before college funding fears kick in. Bet on yourself and go for it!

Yeah. If nothing else, this exercise has been some good validation that my skills are in demand and I do actually interview pretty well.

And congrats on your new gig. That's awesome!

Exactly! You know you're good at what you do. You know your history is super relevant for anyone in that field (or adjacent fields) to try and infiltrate our government. You know that the potential for one small company to fail in its mission is not going to tarnish your strong history of success and achievement with The Big Dog in your area. If your gut is telling you this feels like the right opportunity to give it a go, then apply your abilities and see if *you* can't drag them into success at suckling at the teat of sweet sweet government dollars. It's a new world now (or now + [some amount more of recovery time, but not a lot]) and conditions probably won't ever be much better to make that big change.

I think you need to add writer to your resume if you ever write one again.

dbt1949 wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 2:47 pm I think you need to add writer to your resume if you ever write one again.

I've incorporated that into my spiel. Everyone's looking for someone with demonstrably good written communication skills.

Oh, and C_p, here's my above-the-fold section underneath my contact information, and just above professional experience: [edit:] Ahhh, I can't unsee it! That first round bullet point under Technical Writer is the only one on the whole resume that doesn't end with a period. Ahhhhhh, the irony.

And you want to be my latex salesman......

TLDR

The Meal wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 1:43 pm Thank you everyone for the well wishes and congratulations. A few responses to some of your comments...

Madmarcus wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 12:32 am I'll even ignore the dig at teachers being non-productive!

I was hoping some of my teacher friends would appreciate that in the spirit it was intended.

No worries! I don't always believe that I'm particularly productive in the grand scheme of things!

From your writing I'd say you would have no problem with teaching. In 22 years of doing it I've come to the conclusion that the majority of the job is selling yourself, selling the subject, and even selling the overall idea that school is a positive thing.

One of the grocery stores (out of a couple hundred, and yes, I am the sole field service technician for all of them) that I support has been having wireless connectivity issues to their hand scanners.

They are in the mindset of "keep throwing parts at it until it works" problem solving technique.

So far over the last couple days, I've replaced two of their Access Points. The fun part is, the tallest ladder on site is too short so I have to find somebody (for liability reasons) that can drive their scissor-lift over to the AP location so I can then lift myself twenty-some feet into the air to swap out the device for a new one.

Riding that wobbly death trap up is an unnecessary reminder of my own mortality that I don't wish to repeat so hopefully, today's AP swap finally does the trick.

Brian wrote: ↑Mon Mar 08, 2021 3:39 pm So far over the last couple days, I've replaced two of their Access Points. The fun part is, the tallest ladder on site is too short so I have to find somebody (for liability reasons) that can drive their scissor-lift over to the AP location so I can then lift myself twenty-some feet into the air to swap out the device for a new one.

OSHA is no joke. I won't touch our HiLo and if we convert it in to a scissors lift, no one gets in the cage without a helmet and a 5 point harness that is hooked to the cage. It's not even about safety or about the off chance that OSHA walks in the door unannounced (which they do nearly twice a year, even during COVID, crazy), it's the fact that all it takes is one unhappy person to report a problem.

(Also I'd like to congratulate the meal, but I think I'd have to re-read that whole thing again to verify it said what I thought it said. If it did, that sounds awesome. I'd love something I could do with enthusiasm and get paid. For the life of me, I've never figured that out.)

My close friend whom I also work with keeps using the word "uptrain", which I find grating. But I can't tell him to stop because a) he's my friend and b) the dictionary suggests it's a legitimate word. But it sounds like corporate lingo to me, as well as being redundant. We don't have to "uptrain" staff on something, we can simply "train" or "promote" them. It reminds me of third grade when my teacher lost it on the class because we kept referring to the catcher position in baseball as "back catcher". (Google suggests this is a common thing in Canada, but I have no idea where it comes from.) Now I understand how she felt.

I don't know if it's part of his vocabulary from other jobs or not. i suspect he may have adopted it from a somewhat detestable manager who came in board around the same time from some other corporate hellhole.

Sudy wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 1:36 pm My close friend whom I also work with keeps using the word "uptrain", which I find grating. But I can't tell him to stop because a) he's my friend and b) the dictionary suggests it's a legitimate word. But it sounds like corporate lingo to me, as well as being redundant. We don't have to "uptrain" staff on something, we can simply "train" or "promote" them. It reminds me of third grade when my teacher lost it on the class because we kept referring to the catcher position in baseball as "back catcher". (Google suggests this is a common thing in Canada, but I have no idea where it comes from.) Now I understand how she felt.

I don't know if it's part of his vocabulary from other jobs or not. i suspect he may have adopted it from a somewhat detestable manager who came in board around the same time from some other corporate hellhole.

Ahhh, ridiculous "business speak". I don't miss that at all. And you would think that a movie like Office Space would have made it extinct, but nay.

"Uptrain" suggests that there is a "downtrain", no?

I'd never use it and have never heard it, but I wouldn't wince to hear it, probably because in the food service industry a common concept was up-selling, or trying to get more stuff than was originally planned to be ordered. Up-Training to me would instinctively mean training beyond what was initially planned for the original work environment, either because the scope of your work is changing or your existing is considered "legacy" or obsolete. I have no idea if that is the case or not though.

The Meal wrote: ↑Sun Mar 07, 2021 1:43 pm In fact, even in my little writeup I glossed over some of the things which made it difficult for me to post about these things here. Generally, I was unfair to my family and especially MHS. In that stretch of five years, there were two windows where I burned through savings during a time I struggled with figuring out "what I wanted to be when I grew up," and the family had no other real option but to stand aside and put up with the choices I was making which affected all of us. And I did that in the midst of what is generally considered one's most productive era in their career. I'm not proud of those times, my choices, or the continuing effects it will have for the people I love.

Jesus, man, now it's getting a little creepy. Your story was already hitting a little too close to home, and now this?! I could have easily written that entire paragraph, even down to the "what I wanted to be when I grow up" - which I have used many times in jest/self-mocking over the past couple years.

I don't have the same reaction to upsell these days... I can't remember whether I originally did or not. I think it's halfway to being jargon, but it does provide added meaning. Upselling may be selling, but not vice versa. It describes selling a higher tier of the same product or service, or an add on, as opposed to a new product. However uptraining is just... training. You can effectively only train someone to know or do something new. I suppose there may be some implication of additional duties or promotion, but that still seems unnecessary as it can either be assumed or left to context.

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 2:05 pm"Uptrain" suggests that there is a "downtrain", no?

"Uptrain" suggests a consultant need to come up with a term to describe why the initial round of training they provided didn't work or wasn't enough, so you need to pay for an "uptrain" to get your workers current on the latest information. Your competitors are training. You don't want to be the last to uptrain!

LordMortis wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 2:06 pm I'd never use it and have never heard it, but I wouldn't wince to hear it, probably because in the food service industry a common concept was up-selling, or trying to get more stuff than was originally planned to be ordered. Up-Training to me would instinctively mean training beyond what was initially planned for the original work environment, either because the scope of your work is changing or your existing is considered "legacy" or obsolete. I have no idea if that is the case or not though.

Up-selling has a separate meaning from "selling" though. "Uptraining".... ??

Example:
Selling: In a retail situation, dude walks in store, asks to see the latest phones, buys the value conscious one he was thinking about before he came into store, which fits into his budget. Leaves. Salesperson just rang up the transaction in this case. Typical sale.
Up-selling: Dude walks in with same intentions, and salesperson convinces them to get the latest and greatest phone with all the service plans, maximizing the profit for the company. Up-sell.

Edit: DOH! Sudy beat me

I dunno. It's not word I'd use but it's not something that would set me off either.

If I was fully trained on the ultaramaster2020 but my training was not enough to fully utilize the ulatrmaster2021 and they suggested I needed up-training for the 2021, I wouldn't pause at the word. Again, as it's not jargon I'm familiar with, I can't say if this how the word is actually used. I think I am familiar with this sort of thing being called "refresher training" which isn't correct either. Up-traning would actually be closer to accurate, where we aren't going to go over the basics, you should have the proper frame of reference. We're going to train on the newness and differences.

I come in looking for quality. I can be upsold a bit, but I generally do not look for top of the line, usually like next tier down with a price reduction.

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 2:05 pm "Uptrain" suggests that there is a "downtrain", no?

Downtrain is when you let the wrong person do the training.

"I knew we shouldn't have let Bob train them. After he finished downtraining them, they are less competent with the tool than they were before!"

I am rather underpaid in my position where I work. But I have a lot of flexibility and a lot of vacation. I am generally left alone to do my work. I had an unexpected meeting with my boss yesterday and was told they really value my service and they'll be giving me an 10% raise that started March 1. They are also adding another person to help me and my teammate. I am still underpaid but a bit less so and I do like working where I work. Quite a lot.

"Upskill" is the word that currently buzzes my saw.

I thought I finally had a grip on NVIDIA. Those playing along at home will remember that I was hired to edit 800 sessions. I'm now at 1,190. Over the weekend I got my in-tray down to 76 "junk" records that I couldn't complete for various reasons, meaning I was effectively caught up. On Monday they added 20 more, which I slew. Yesterday they added another 40. I knocked 10 of those out this afternoon, then suddenly couldn't load my in-tray. After a few minutes I refreshed it, and now I'm at 165 records. Screw this.

True, there's that. We have a hard deadline of April 9, so I'm going to be very happy with the payday 30 days later.

I've also done 199 of an anticipated 500 nurse recommendation letters (about 300 were in, last time I downloaded). That deadline is also April 9, but submissions are due by March 19, so I should have plenty of catch-up time for those...if NVIDIA ever stops crapping on me.

How can nvidia have so much to say?!? Enjoy the payday at least. Assuming you survive to it...

Kraken wrote:True, there's that. We have a hard deadline of April 9, so I'm going to be very happy with the payday 30 days later.

I've also done 199 of an anticipated 500 nurse recommendation letters (about 300 were in, last time I downloaded). That deadline is also April 9, but submissions are due by March 19, so I should have plenty of catch-up time for those...if NVIDIA ever stops crapping on me.

What exactly are you doing? Editing conference session write-ups/summaries for an Nvidia conference?

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 6:40 pm

Kraken wrote:True, there's that. We have a hard deadline of April 9, so I'm going to be very happy with the payday 30 days later.

I've also done 199 of an anticipated 500 nurse recommendation letters (about 300 were in, last time I downloaded). That deadline is also April 9, but submissions are due by March 19, so I should have plenty of catch-up time for those...if NVIDIA ever stops crapping on me.

What exactly are you doing? Editing conference session write-ups/summaries for an Nvidia conference?

GTC 2021. I'm editing all of the English-language session descriptions and biographies. Many of the submitters have English as a second language, and need rewriting. I also translate acronyms and jargon into English, when I can figure them out (I have compiled my own five-page list of acronyms, but this is very high-level material). I can do about 10 per hour.

Kraken wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:25 pm

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 6:40 pm

Kraken wrote:True, there's that. We have a hard deadline of April 9, so I'm going to be very happy with the payday 30 days later.

I've also done 199 of an anticipated 500 nurse recommendation letters (about 300 were in, last time I downloaded). That deadline is also April 9, but submissions are due by March 19, so I should have plenty of catch-up time for those...if NVIDIA ever stops crapping on me.

What exactly are you doing? Editing conference session write-ups/summaries for an Nvidia conference?

GTC 2021. I'm editing all of the English-language session descriptions and biographies. Many of the submitters have English as a second language, and need rewriting. I also translate acronyms and jargon into English, when I can figure them out (I have compiled my own five-page list of acronyms, but this is very high-level material). I can do about 10 per hour.

Imagine how much you could make doing that for Amazon.

Kraken wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:25 pm

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 6:40 pm

Kraken wrote:True, there's that. We have a hard deadline of April 9, so I'm going to be very happy with the payday 30 days later.

I've also done 199 of an anticipated 500 nurse recommendation letters (about 300 were in, last time I downloaded). That deadline is also April 9, but submissions are due by March 19, so I should have plenty of catch-up time for those...if NVIDIA ever stops crapping on me.

What exactly are you doing? Editing conference session write-ups/summaries for an Nvidia conference?

GTC 2021. I'm editing all of the English-language session descriptions and biographies. Many of the submitters have English as a second language, and need rewriting. I also translate acronyms and jargon into English, when I can figure them out (I have compiled my own five-page list of acronyms, but this is very high-level material). I can do about 10 per hour.

Interesting! (and hopefully profitable for you!) What is the most useful skillset? I know writing, obviously, but specifically how did you transition from Curio City to this? DId you beef up any particular skill, or you already had the knowledge?

FYI, I clicked on the link on your website for the sample writing, and that document no longer exists (at least at the location to which you linked). Might want to update or remove.

I would love to do that kind of work, but I don't have the background or skills. I once tried to do a translation (English to Spanish) of a VERY technical engineering brochure for an ad agency (for their client), and it was a nightmare. I was in WAY over my head, especially for my Spanish level at the time (this was maybe 25 years ago). Had a bright new shiny Spanish degree under my belt, and I thought I was hot shit.

Hell, I didn't even know what half the terms were in ENGLISH, much less Spanish, since it was 75% jargon and technical terms specific to that industry. That probably should have alerted me to not take the job. Stupid kid!

Carpet_pissr wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:16 pm
Interesting! (and hopefully profitable for you!) What is the most useful skillset? I know writing, obviously, but specifically how did you transition from Curio City to this? DId you beef up any particular skill, or you already had the knowledge?

FYI, I clicked on the link on your website for the sample writing, and that document no longer exists (at least at the location to which you linked). Might want to update or remove.

First, I don't remember making that link. Can you clarify or copy it here?

I studied English and journalism in high school and undergrad college and worked on the school paper in HS, junior college, and college, rising to the exalted position of Chief Copy Editor on a 40,000-circulation daily student newspaper. So I knew how editing works, and that I had a knack for it. I never worked in that realm (long digression deleted) but those skills never went away. In fact, over the years I dusted them off periodically to help out Wife and some of my other friends.

My other aptitude is a lifetime of interest in science, technology, and business. I'm literate in a wide variety of fields on a lay level, so when technology companies want to communicate to laypersons, I'm their guy. For all their brilliance, most scientists and engineers write very badly. (One AeroAstro prof has hired me twice to edit his journal papers before publication.)

I kept Curio City going for years after I should've cut my losses because I didn't know what else I could do. After being out of the official labor force for 15 years, I'd have to figure it out on my own. The stars aligned after Wife got established at MIT. I started working for her more often. Eventually, it occurred to me that maybe I should be paid for it -- she did have a freelance budget, after all. MIT is a meritocracy that doesn't frown on nepotism or old people, but she worried about appearances, so I had to be something more impressive than Wife's husband, even if that's a formidable thing to be in itself. Kraken Enterprises therefore formed a new enterprise, Blue Hills Editorial, to be my business and benefit from her imprimatur. (When she retires from MIT, she'll work for Blue HIlls, and Blue Hills has given her the distance she needs to take on occasional freelance projects in the meantime.) After I built the website she got her department to approve Blue Hills as a contractor. After that, it's a story of snowballing contacts.

So the TL;DR version is I had education, aptitude, and connections, but the stars still had to align just so.

Once that was up and running, I nailed NVIDIA because a good friend who used to work for them recommended me. Connections!

EvilHomer3k wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:54 pm Imagine how much you could make doing that for Amazon.

Does Amazon have a tech conference, and can you introduce me? I already know rather a lot about AWS and Amazon Cloud.

Kraken wrote: ↑Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:15 am stuff

I love you add on your site that Warren helps out by walking across the keyboard, which reminds me of the time one of my cats, Opie, walked across my keyboard while I was working in a spreadsheet. After I sent it out I got a reply asking what is "lkhiuwer2123" (it was some gibberish letters and numbers) that it shows I bought for $1000?

Opie had typed over the cell with the item description. I replied my cat was trying to help but his spelling is not so good.

Lassr wrote: ↑Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:54 amI replied my cat was trying to help but his spelling is not so good.

I hope it was well received.

I have a question for folks here who may have experience with this... I have a possible interview with a business that has partially unionized. The upper management (including the IT management spot I'm eyeing) is not union. Everyone who isn't a manager of some sort is union, including the only other person in the IT department - who the IT Manager is in charge of.

How complicated is it to manage unionized employees, and what kinds of questions might I want to ask (or avoid) during the potential panel meeting I may have next week via Zoom? The HR Manager I phone interviewed with hedged around complexity but repeatedly stressed that the IT worker and existing manager have a "relaxed" relationship, and I got an almost relieved laugh out of her when I mentioned that I fully understood that unions have a very specific way things need to be done and that I would absolutely be sure that a relaxed environment didn't come back as relaxed haunting later. I think she was trying to get across a certain point about unions but wasn't able/allowed to just come out and say it.

The unionized IT worker is a Database Admin, so I'm assuming that I'd have to be fully hands-off the database and possibly servers the guy uses to avoid crossing into his "contracted" work territory, which is the big no-no. It's my understanding that putting your hand into a union worker's job duties is akin to putting your hand into a blender.

Workers unionize because there's a demonstrated lack of trust between them and management. You can't really have the same sort of amicable relationship you might have with your team in a non-unionized workplace. Your conduct is pretty much spelled out, and you don't really have any leeway to accommodate any special requests (can I take an extra 30 at lunch to take my kid to the doctor? No, you will be docked because saying yes establishes a precedent that could bite you and the company in the ass down the road).

I once had an interview for a government job whose workforce was unionized. I had a great interview with the recruiter and with the owner of the recruiting company. But before I left their offices they already told me that I didn't have it in me to be the sort of prick required for the job.

Kraken wrote: ↑Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:15 am First, I don't remember making that link. Can you clarify or copy it here?

http://bluehillsedit.com/home/previous- ... d-clients/

Thanks. I'll update the website when these projects are done. I think that's just supposed to link to the Lemelson website -- I know I never uploaded any PDFs.

Jeff V wrote: ↑Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:04 amI didn't have it in me to be the sort of prick required for the job.

*takes notes* Okay, so I need to be a bigger prick than Jeff V to work with a union.

Given the stressing she's had over the "relaxed" nature of the existing dynamic, I wonder if they've already run into issues where the current manager gave too much leeway. I'm fine with being a prick when it comes to a self-inflicted choice, like joining a union. If you've agreed to something like that in order to reap the benefits, it doesn't bother me to force you to play by the rules you've set for yourself.