[Gushing Parents] Tell me your cute kid stories

Hiccup · Post by **Hiccup** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:23 am

If anyone hasn't read the Napping House, HUGE spoilers below...

Hallie love the Napping House, and we almost always have to read it before bedtime. Every page before the wakeful flee she HAS to find, point to, and scream "MOUSE!". The best part is the 2nd half of the book,

Who bites the mouse,
H: "Me."
Who scares the cat,
H: "ME."
Who --- the dog,
H: "MEE."
Who --- the child,
H: "MEEEE!!"
Who wakes the granny,
H: "MEEEEEEEE!!!!"
In the napping house, where no one now is sleeping.
H: "Nigh nigh mouse."

Hyena · Post by **Hyena** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 3:33 pm

Not mine, but my nephew is a frickin' genius. And I mean that.

My mom was pretending to read a napkin like a newspaper with him about two months ago, when the oil spill was making big news. He was happily eating his waffle breakfast, answering her questions.

Mom: Cooper, we have so many problems with the economy.
Cooper: (shaking his head) Yeah, I know.
M: Cooper, we have all these politicians acting all crazy.
C: (throwing his hands up in the air) Yeah, I know!
M: Cooper, we have this oil spill in the Gulf causing problems.
C: (stops eating and looks at her) Yeah, but they're going to put a containment cap on it.

The next week, my mom walks in the room, and he has a coffee cup upside down on the kitchen table. He's pressing the cup on the table and twisting, then lifting the cup and pretending to take something out of it, looking at it, then repeating the process.

M: Coop, whatcha doing?
C: Taking core samples of the kitchen table.
M: .....
C: (Looking back at her with a smile) You know, like they do in Ant-arctica?

Did I mention he turns three in December?

naednek · Post by **naednek** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 4:50 pm

My coworker brought his kid into work the other day. He walks to my desk and sees this picture.

I asked him what sports does he like. And he mentions the niners. He tells me the niners did beat the raiders, but the niners are not playing too well this year. I asked him if he liked Alex Smith. I can't remember what he said, but it sounded indifferent.

Now during this time, my coworker is sitting next to us. He's a niner fan, and thinks that Alex Smith is a good QB and the coaching is the problem (Yeah, I know, this guy has no idea what a good qb is). All year long we've been arguing about Smith. So, I ask my coworker's kid if he thinks Alex Smith is the one to blame for the niner's trouble. Without knowing our argument, he flat out tells me that he thinks it's the coaches fault. Laughter ensued. I then quickly told my coworker, that see, you have a mind of an 8 year old.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:33 pm

This morning:

My 3 yr old son informed me that, today, I would be taking "the Train to Nowhere" ...
-- "Oh, really? What time does that train leave?"

He said "Zero O'Clock Daddy-O" and laughed maniacally as he ran into the other room.

I think I may be raising Frank Zappa.

Bakhtosh · Post by **Bakhtosh** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:22 am

Hyena wrote:Not mine, but my nephew is a frickin' genius. And I mean that.

Did I mention he turns three in December?

As his uncle, you have a very important duty: you hvae to sit him down and tell him that "with great power comes great responsibility."

That way when he gets to the crossroads and has to decide if he's going to be an evil genius or use his powers for good, he'll remember you little talk.

Or you could always go with "with great power comes great fringe benefits, so hook a brotha up when you mastermind your first bank heist."

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:06 am

Last night, due to some car issues, my 7 year old son is having to get dressed for football practice in the back of the parked car.

His football pants have a drawstring, that instead of through the waistband like running shorts, are threaded like a shoelace. When they were washed previously, the string had not been replaced, and he couldn't find it in the back of the car.

He got more frustrated, and said, 'I want to say the F word right now.'
I ask, 'Which one is that.'
He hesitates, but spells, 'F, U, K, E, N'
My wife and I start to discuss alternatives since he can't find the lace, when he yells out, "I can't find my fuckin' string!"
I try to laugh as silently as I can, and explain that he shouldn't use those words in polite company and his parents, adults, and especially teachers and his grand parents are polite company. He doesn't hear me or my wife using it.
He replies, 'Mom does!'

Busted.

Jeff V · Post by **Jeff V** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:49 am

Cute kids, properly caged, except they have the beer.

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:42 pm

Not much context here, but we've been using twitter to keep track of the whacky ramblings of our 5 year old.

http://twitter.com/kidslikecheese" target="_blank

Arcanis · Post by **Arcanis** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:38 pm

Bob wrote:Not much context here, but we've been using twitter to keep track of the whacky ramblings of our 5 year old.

http://twitter.com/kidslikecheese" target="_blank

this one was the best I've seen:

I will bury the world in darkness and shadow so that zombies and vampires and all of those monsters can live here. I will defeat the sun!

You have an impressive little megalomaniac there. I think he can take Van Hellsing when he shows up.

miltonite · Post by **miltonite** » Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:42 pm

Bob wrote:Not much context here, but we've been using twitter to keep track of the whacky ramblings of our 5 year old.

http://twitter.com/kidslikecheese" target="_blank

That is some great stuff.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Sat Dec 04, 2010 11:42 am

Not a story, per se, but I did introduce my 19-month-old daughter to Led Zeppelin last night.

Here are the results

craterus · Post by **craterus** » Sat Dec 04, 2010 1:39 pm

Skinypupy wrote:Not a story, per se, but I did introduce my 19-month-old daughter to Led Zeppelin last night.

Here are the results

a w e s o m e

who taught her the head banging move - or is that simply human nature?

i suggest RUSH next... trees maybe?

Bob wrote:Not much context here, but we've been using twitter to keep track of the whacky ramblings of our 5 year old.

http://twitter.com/kidslikecheese" target="_blank

I'll never run out of boogers. There's a bunch in my head right now.. and some in my belly.

simply genius!

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Sat Dec 04, 2010 2:19 pm

craterus wrote:
Skinypupy wrote:Not a story, per se, but I did introduce my 19-month-old daughter to Led Zeppelin last night.

Here are the results
a w e s o m e

who taught her the head banging move - or is that simply human nature?

i suggest RUSH next... trees maybe?

I taught her that one. We're still working on the metal horns.

I actually had her headbanging to Slayer the other day, but didn't figure Mrs. Skinypupy would appreciate that being on video.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Sun Dec 05, 2010 10:27 pm

Is it so wrong to compare your 15 month old's toddling to a zombie? When she's decided that naps are for losers, she has that zombie-like glaze in her eyes, too.

RMC · Post by **RMC** » Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:27 am

The best I have is my middle child. RMC3.5, she is a cute and rather outgoing child with no shame..

All of us sitting in the mini van driving down the road.

My oldest RMC 6.5, is sitting in the back next to RMC 3.5. RMC1.5 is in the middle and myself and wife are in the front.

A loud fart can be heard all the way in the front.

RMCwife: "Now what do we say when that happens?"
everyone: <silence>
RMC 6.5: "What is that smell?"
RMCWife: "RMC3.5, what do we say when that happens?"
RMC3.5: "What...That's just the sound my butt makes!"

RMC: .....Trying to stifle the laughter that I know only encourages such rationalizations.

Mr. Fed · Post by **Mr. Fed** » Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:28 pm

In round 2 of the AYSO playoffs for his age group, Evan scored the only goal of a very tight game, winning it for his team and taking them to Round 3 next weekend.

Me, in the car afterwards: Evan, that was a tough game.
Evan: [long pause]: Yeah. But it turned out I was up for it.

[edit: unlike his dad -- who can't deliver a line without smirking and giving it away -- Evan can deliver that so I have no idea whether he is being ironic or not.]

Crabbs · Post by **Crabbs** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 2:25 pm

No talking yet but I thought this pic tells it's own story.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:25 pm

I'm probably recovered enough to tell this one.

We have two cats. One of them loves to run down the hall when I'm coming the other way and I try to pet her back and tail as she runs by, she tries to duck under my hand while still running. We can play this for 10 minutes at a time, each of us running to opposite ends of the hall and back again. Yeah, I match wits with my cat on a regular basis. But what is relevant to this story is that now any time we pass each other in the hall, we play this game.

So I'm in the kitchen. Wife is changing baby in the nursery. I hear the wife shriek, "Ahhh fuuuuccckk!!!" It sounds kind of bad so I sprint down the hall. As I'm running towards the nursery, the cat comes running at me and instinctively I to my attack move and pet her back and tail as she bolts by. I get her but her tail is really fluffed up and she looks scared/angry. Oh well. I round the corner to the nursery and walk in the door. In a split second, I take in the scene:

Wife is staring dumbfoundedly at the changing desk.
Baby is on the table (phew!) on her back, happily kicking at the air.
Swivel chair that cat likes to sit on by the changing desk is slowly spinning.
There is what appears to be brownish green slime on the window, 7 feet away from the changing table.
My hand feels wet.

In the next split second I put together the following sequence of events:

The wife was changing the baby.
Cat was on the chair watching, as usual.
Wife had baby lifted up by legs to slide diaper under baby.
Baby let out an explosive discharge.
Discharge, due to elevated angle of butt, coated a straight path from changing desk to window.
Path included cat and chair.
I now had shit on my hand.

Cute? You bet. One look at the little giggler on the desk and I started laughing hysterically. At a shit covered room. The cat didn't think it was so cute and huffed and puffed for days. You know how they clean themselves by licking themselves? Yeah.

Vorret · Post by **Vorret** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:55 pm

omg that was hillarious

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:04 pm

Crabbs wrote:No talking yet but I thought this pic tells it's own story.

Serious baby is serious.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:08 pm

WC Fields' first Christmas.

AWS260 · Post by **AWS260** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:09 pm

LawBeefaroni wrote:The cat didn't think it was so cute and huffed and puffed for days. You know how they clean themselves by licking themselves? Yeah.

Ha! That reminds me of another cat fact I learned this week: they eat baby vomit. After a particularly vigorous regurgitation, I took the boy to the bathroom to clean him (and me) up. When we returned to the scene of the crime, most of the evidence had disappeared, and the cat was licking around the edges of what little remained. I was simultaneously grossed out and relieved.

szgany · Post by **szgany** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:35 pm

Some old friends from Tennessee were planning on coming up for the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had my daughter clean up her room, in case one of them needed to use her bed. After a couple of days, I went through, checking out her cleaning job, and found a note she had written for my guests and had left propped against her computer monitor. I can't remember it word for word, and she has since destroyed it, but it basically went like this..

Hey dudes,

The computer isn't working, no CPU. Feel free to use the TV and read my books. DO NOT remove the butterfly picture from the wall! Don't mind the flowers painted on the wall, I'll soon be painting it black, with skulls. If you don't mind, please do not use the radio.

She's 11. Daddy's little Goth.

The Meal · Post by **The Meal** » Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:52 pm

AWS260 wrote:
LawBeefaroni wrote:The cat didn't think it was so cute and huffed and puffed for days. You know how they clean themselves by licking themselves? Yeah.
Ha! That reminds me of another cat fact I learned this week: they eat baby vomit. After a particularly vigorous regurgitation, I took the boy to the bathroom to clean him (and me) up. When we returned to the scene of the crime, most of the evidence had disappeared, and the cat was licking around the edges of what little remained. I was simultaneously grossed out and relieved.

But mostly grossed out.

Right?

Arkon · Post by **Arkon** » Thu Dec 09, 2010 11:23 am

Per my wife, my 3 year old found a dead lady bug on a windowsill this morning. She gleefully exclaimed, aw he is so cute, he is now my best friend! She proceeded to make a blanket/bed for it out of a napkin, then went to her play kitchen and cooked it some breakfast. She is keeping her new friend very safe so that I can meet him when I get home tonight.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Thu Dec 09, 2010 12:32 pm

I'm picturing Psycho; with the silhouette of a ladybug in the upstair's window.

Scuzz · Post by **Scuzz** » Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:00 pm

My 17 year old told me to shut up or she would shoot me in the face......is that a cute thing....

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:26 pm

funny. My 3 year old told me "I am going to 'shabo' this whole house, and my Bear is going to help me!"

Shabo, is his 'bear language' for "explode"

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:35 pm

Poem my 4.6 year old learned in school and told us yesterday:

I made myself a Snowball
Cute as he could be

I thought I'd keep him for a pet
And let him sleep with me

I made him some pajamas
A pillow for his head

Last night he ran away
But first...he wet the bed!!

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:52 pm

My daughter (16 months) loves "riding the daddy horse." I get down on all fours, she hops on my back, and away we go. To the point where if I'm sitting down anywhere within reach she'll try to push me onto all fours so she can get a ride.

The other night I came home after a long, stressful day at work. I sat down and my daughter comes up begging for a ride. I was worn out, didn't really want to crawl around on the carpet, just not in the mood. I told her no a few times but she was persistent. So I reluctantly got down on the floor, she climbed on, and we did a circle of the living room.

When I stopped she hopped off, patted me gently on the head, said, "DAD-DEEE" with a huge smile then gave me a big hug around the neck.

I made up my mind then and there I'll never be too tired to give daddy horse rides.

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:03 pm

Awesome. How do you keep her from falling off?

My daughter (also about 16 months) called an impromptu family dance party about a week ago. She was standing in the hall, and suddenly started dancing (her 'dancing' consists mostly of squatting and standing up, though she also started swinging her arms and clapping). Then she started saying "Go Mira! Go Mira!" repeatedly, so my wife and I started saying "Go Mira!' as well. Then she said "Go Mommy! Go Mommy!", so my wife started dancing. Then "Go Daddy! Go Daddy!" and so on.

It was so cute.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:18 pm

Awesome. How do you keep her from falling off?

We started by having my wife just hold her while I crawled around, but lately she's figured out how to grip with her legs and steady herself by gripping my shirt. She apparently has really good balance as we've had no mishaps yet (knock on wood)! I just hope she doesn't start asking for a real horse in a few years.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 1:38 am

My younger daughter (15 mo Bug) likes to climb inside boxes and has a fascination with helping fold laundry. Not suprisingly, that ended up with Bug climbing inside the clothes basket. My older daughter (the 3 yo Fish) quickly learned to push Bug around the wood floor in the bedrooms and hallways. Bug leans forward yelling "wheee!" with the silliest grin on her face.

Fish much prefers to play "Pig and the Robot." She'll get on my back and cry "I'm the robot, you're the piggie!"

[gir]I love you guys.[/gir]

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Tue Apr 26, 2011 4:28 pm

Arise, old thread!

We play a game with our 20-month old daughter where we go through a list of questions about what sounds animals make - what does a cow say, what does a pig say, etc. She is really good at it and has about a dozen animals down pat. So every now and then I like to throw her a curveball just to see what she comes up with.

So the other night we went through the list of animals and I decided to trick her. I said, "What does daddy say?"

She thinks about it for a second, then shakes her finger and says, "NO! NO! NO!"

My wife and I were literally on the floor laughing.

Mr. Fed · Post by **Mr. Fed** » Tue Apr 26, 2011 6:39 pm

YellowKing wrote:Arise, old thread!

We play a game with our 20-month old daughter where we go through a list of questions about what sounds animals make - what does a cow say, what does a pig say, etc. She is really good at it and has about a dozen animals down pat. So every now and then I like to throw her a curveball just to see what she comes up with.

So the other night we went through the list of animals and I decided to trick her. I said, "What does daddy say?"

She thinks about it for a second, then shakes her finger and says, "NO! NO! NO!"

My wife and I were literally on the floor laughing.

Awesome.

Crabbs · Post by **Crabbs** » Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:24 pm

YellowKing wrote:Arise, old thread!

We play a game with our 20-month old daughter where we go through a list of questions about what sounds animals make - what does a cow say, what does a pig say, etc. She is really good at it and has about a dozen animals down pat. So every now and then I like to throw her a curveball just to see what she comes up with.

So the other night we went through the list of animals and I decided to trick her. I said, "What does daddy say?"

She thinks about it for a second, then shakes her finger and says, "NO! NO! NO!"

My wife and I were literally on the floor laughing.

That is great YK!

Mr. Fed · Post by **Mr. Fed** » Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:42 pm

Also:

Evan, who is 10, does not believe in the tooth fairy. Nevertheless, when he had a nasty tooth extracted yesterday (a three-root one -- heinous), he wrote (in cursive) an extremely polite letter to the tooth fairly asking if she would mind leaving money even though he wanted to keep the tooth as a keepsake. The tooth fairy did so.

And now, a story of what our house looks like in the morning:

Katrina is still asleep. I am getting dressed when I hear screams -- fight-screams, not hurt-screams. I run from the bedroom to the family room. In my underwear.

Evan and Abby are fighting, Elaina is watching and yelling. I try to sort it out -- a dispute over who gets the last pack of goldfish crackers. Abby doesn't like my solution. I start to walk to the kitchen to put the goldfish out of reach. Abby scrunches up her face. "DON'T YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP, MISTER!!"

I stand there dumbfounded. There's only one thing i COULD do. Still in underwear, I break out into steps. Specifically, silly walks from the Monty Python skit.

Me: I"m STEPPING I'M STEPPING I'm STEPPING
ABBY: STOPTHATSTOPTHATDADDYAAAAAAAAHSTOPTHATSTOPTHAT
EVAN" [Laughing self into choking fit, sits on couch to catch breath]
ELAINA: [jumping up and down and shreiking]
Me: [Transitioning from Silly Walks sketch to John Cleese's Nazi Walk from "The Germans" episode of Fawlty Towers, putting finger under nose like Hitler mustache, marching around kitchen in underwear]: SCHLEIFENYADERMUNCHAUSENBRATWURSTEINELKLEINELNACHTMUSIKVUNBERBAR [etc.]
ABBY: STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPTHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
EVAN: [Coughing self into unconsciousness]
ELAINA: {SCREAMING, RUNNING INTO DOOR]
KATRINA: [Appears from bedroom}: WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

El Guapo · Post by **El Guapo** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:26 pm

My 20-month old daughter is a big fan of slides on playgrounds, and has started having her dolls go down slides as well. Last week she was holding an Ernie doll while I was holding her. All of the sudden she put the Ernie doll on my shoulder, and said "Ready? One, two, three...whee!" and pulled Ernie down my shoulder like it was a slide.

Mr Bubbles · Post by **Mr Bubbles** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:34 pm

YellowKing wrote:Arise, old thread!

We play a game with our 20-month old daughter where we go through a list of questions about what sounds animals make - what does a cow say, what does a pig say, etc. She is really good at it and has about a dozen animals down pat. So every now and then I like to throw her a curveball just to see what she comes up with.

So the other night we went through the list of animals and I decided to trick her. I said, "What does daddy say?"

She thinks about it for a second, then shakes her finger and says, "NO! NO! NO!"

My wife and I were literally on the floor laughing.

How much I am looking forward to those moments. Thanks for the story. Thats too cute.

Octavious · Post by **Octavious** » Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:24 pm

My daughter walks into the living room with her play toaster. She turns the toaster on and bolts into her room diving for cover. Toaster goes off and she screams you're all dead the bomb went off.

So now it's a little game we play from time to time where we set the toaster and try to trap the other in the room.