Naturally this trauma shook my foundations and changed me fundamentally. For the past 3 weeks I've been prioritizing her first, doing deep cleaning, SEEING when things needed to be picked up or cleaned without anyone mentioning them. It's brought me close to God, whom I have prayed to almost relentlessly since that awful moment. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I think about it every waking moment. The rest of my life was to be with her -- laughing into retirement and playing when the kids were gone. All of that torn away and out of my life in an instant.
We've had good days and bad days the past few weeks. If it comes up -- she insists she's done, I know where she stands, and she would leave immediately if not for the house. However, we continue to text or talk (and I don't text her and she still will text me occasionally). We continue to have sex a couple times a week. We went on a wonderful beach trip where I saw her life energy fill back up to the brim for a few days. Her eyes got bright again. We spent time together. Yesterday (day after we came back from the beach) went well too. She called for a 'quickie' while the kids were out of the house.
TODAY, however, we had our first counseling appointment. When I picked her up for it she was immediately cold and distant again. She sat separated from me (I noticed). She reiterated all of the things she has told me to the counselor about being done, wanting to run, wanting to leave immediately, being angry when I help around the house now because I should have been doing it before. My wife is a very matter of fact person, and she prides on sticking to a decision once it's made. She has mentioned it several times the past few weeks. The counselor (faith based counseling btw -- meaning pro marriage) said that our goals were very different, and that because of that she recommended a 'therapeutic 30 day separation'. No contact for 30 days. Each of us sees counselors individually. After the 30 days -- we meet back up and see where we are. This is terrifying to me, agonizing to think about, and is just soul crushing. We have another session Monday where we come back together to sign the no-contact contract if we choose to do it.
She told me on the way back to her work that she's not sure about it yet -- that she needs to think about it and we should talk about it more before making a rash decision.
Anyway...I just needed to vent all of this. I'm lost right now guys. I've never been lower in my entire life. I am quickly losing hope that I can save my marriage, and I love this woman as much as the day I first saw her.
I doubt that humor can help you at the moment, but I made two poor attempts.
