I just want to say that, walls of text to the contrary, I have a limited amount of writing in me, and if I do these bloggish posts, I may not have the time or energy to post contstructively about what other people are up to. Hopefully this doesn't come across as too self centered, as I absolutely am interested and will read what everyone else is up to, I just may not always post constructive support as I'd like.
I know this is a strange post, but it bugs me that I may seem to be hyper focused on my own running (I am, of course) while not giving a crap when other people post what they are up to and/or accomplishing.
Reading what other people are up to here has been incredibly inspirational and is without a doubt a major reason for my finally getting off my butt and moving again, as well as my continued progress and success.
This running is actually pretty emotional for me (ditto the weight loss but not nearly with the same meaning or impact) and I've been toying with a "what running 5k has meant to me" post (which I may still get to eventually).
As an example, last night was going to be only the second time I had run 5km without stopping/intervals ever, and I was pretty nervous despite knowing I could do it fairly easily now, without each step being a struggle for survival locked in combat with the Grim Reaper. The nerves went away fairly early, and as I moved from my first km to the 2nd km, I was grinning like a MANIAC. Just the act of running was a victory in and of itself. Finish lines didn't enter into it. I was listening to the Flight of the Conchords and singing along and laughing out loud as I ran. I spat on the asphalt in a symbolic fuck you to the km just past and as a warning to the next one coming. I even threw up the horns with both hands over my head in a rocky'esque moment (but with horns, not fists. Not sure why. I wasn't a headbanger as a kid but it just feels right today).
I have mentioned that I suffer from depression, which is a combination of chemical and cognitive issues, which means I rarely get to experience true joy. And even when I do, it's like it surfaces through a thick molasses and usually sinks out of sight again quickly. Typically this happens with my children only, and not full time (which sucks for everyone). But this struggle (and I mean struggle) to be able to walk any distance, let alone run, means that my current feelings of success and victory when added to the athletic high I get when I run equates to real joy. For someone who's norm is below that of the average person, real joy is nearly orgasmic. Like I'm drugged and high. Addictive. Exciting. Powerful. And it probably explains why, even though I'm exhausted and nodding off at my desk in mid-combat while playing Champions Online, that I still get up off my sorry ass when it's time, get changed, and head out into the dark. Where I am alone with the night and my legs and my lungs and the sidewalk. Just me in the moonlight as my lungs burn and my legs pound and the meters (and now kilometers! Yay!) fly by underneath me.
Well, I guess I covered most of the emotional aspects, except maybe for the reasons *why* this is important to me, but that can wait for another day. Bit of a silly post but here it is.
And so the walls of text begin. We're in for it now.